Rochdale’s Council have declared their bi-monthly bin collections a “massive success” and a “victory for recycling” by Labour Mayor Johnny Pork.

“Since we started only turning up once a month, and even then refusing to lift any bins that were full, the volumes going to Landfill have dropped by 76% – so we assume it must be being recycled” he said. “It’s a great victory for the planet; Rochdale is a World leader in tackling the global warming crisis!” he boasted.

However, Darren Heptenstall, the Mayor of Ramsbottom was less enthusiastic; “It’s been a fucking litter tsunami for 6 months” he told us. “We are downwind in the valley from Rochdale and I can’t get in my car without an old porn-mag hitting my windscreen” he continued “..and how are they not all dead from diabetes? It’s all takeaway cartons and Mars Bars wrappers. Someone should tell these idiots that “SunnyD” shouldn’t even be used to strip paint from old chairs. Do they all just eat & wank all day? The only pity is that there aren’t a few more condoms amongst it all – at least then I’d know they were trying to control the moron population”

Mayor Pork said he would look into the claims from Ramsbottom but that “you can’t take anything those inbreds say seriously”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.