Britain To Close Controversial Island Refugee Centre

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Britain's oldest island refugee centre, Australia, is to be closed following reports of inhumane conditions and bonkers management. The centre, set up in 1770, has...
Putin White Denim

Putin to sing ‘This land is my land’ at Eurovision tonight

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Russia today announced suprise plans to enter the Eurovision song contest tonight. The Russian entry is to be sung by Vladimir Putin and is entitled "This land...

Spain Says ‘Direct Rule Impossible’ after Entire Catalan Population Hides

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Spanish Prime-Minister Marion Rajoy has tonight been unable to suspend the Catalonian Parliament after their leader along with the rest of the population went...
Farage

So Mr Farage, what first attracted you to the white supremacist sympathising billionaire Donald...

6
That was the question that Nigel Farage was asked by TV interviewer Mrs Morton and Mr Farage MP (just kidding) obliged like never before. Mr...
Toffee pennies

Campaign to send 58 million toffee pennies to Syria

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Overseas aid charity, Feed the World, has launched a campaign to collect everyone's unwanted Christmas 'treats' and send them to Syria and other war-torn...
Stable Genius

White House cleaners resign over ‘I’m a stable genius’ written in sh*t on Oval...

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Washington - Reports are coming in today that the White House domestic staff who are responsible for cleaning the Oval Office have resigned over...

Terrorists rejoice at lower energy bills as Jihadis unplug TVs

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Terrorists worldwide are saving money on their energy bills as millions of Jihadis unplug their Samsung smart TVs from mains sockets. The move comes after...

Twitter activists shocked that hashtags haven’t eliminated police violence

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More than two years after the fatal shooting of teenager Michael Brown, which led to widespread protests against police brutality across the U.S., many...

Donald Trump could pardon himself of crime he definitely didn’t commit

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Donald Trump could pardon himself of a crime he repeatedly says he hasn't committed. That's according to his lawyer, Rudy Giuliani. Giuliani said, "It may...

Biff Tannen secures Republican Party presidential nomination

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The world was horrified but not terribly surprised to discover this morning that professional gambler and self-styled American oligarch Biff Tannen secured the US...

Turkish voters refuse to believe Erdogan a dictator till they see it written on...

Turkish voters across the country are still refusing to believe that Erdogan is an autocratic dictator despite the fact that he's locked up all...
Nuttall

Paul Nuttall admits to FBI he passed US nuclear secrets to Russia

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Paul Nuttall has sensationally admitted to the FBI that he passed US military secrets to Russia. In a statement to the FBI Mr Nuttall admitted delivering...

NASA announce Kellyanne Conway is not of this world

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NASA has announced it will hold a press conference later this week to reveal new discoveries "of significant importance, "beyond our solar system". The agency...

Racism cured after white people put black face on their social media accounts

We are pleased to report that racial prejudice worldwide has been solved by white people blacking up their social media accounts.  From your mum's...

Trump says crying widow knew what she was getting into when she answered phone

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President Donald Trump has responded to criticism that he mishandled a phone call with the grieving widow of an American serviceman killed in an...
Massive Bomb

Dropping Massive Bomb on Afghanistan not warning to North Korea Spicer tells press conference

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The fact that Americans have used a big fuck-off bomb when North Korea and Trump are engaged in a major sabre rattle is just...

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