I married him for rugged good looks and winning personality claims Melania Trump

18
Melania Trump has gone on the record to tell the world that she married Donald Trump not for his money but his rugged good looks, winning personality and his open minded views on immigration.
@bluebeany

UK Customs replace “Nothing to declare” signs with “Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter...

Following the news that Boris Johnson has been elected Prime Minister UK Customs officials have decided to replace all the 'Nothing to Declare' signs...
FBI

There was nothing to tip us off about that bloke who bought 33 guns...

1
The FBI have reiterated that there were absolutely no clues that a bloke who bought thirty three semi-automatic rifles in one year might have...

Irishman confused by difference between abortions and prosecuting women

0
An Irish fella is presently proving himself more full of gas than a tinker's hound by spouting no end of shite on the twitters....
Trump

Donald Trump is a hoax, says Global Warming

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Global Warming, the phenomenon by which mankind is fucking up the environment, has confirmed on Twitter today that Donald Trump is in fact a...

Russia urges foreign powers not to meddle in their U.K. elections

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The Russian Government has urged all nations to refrain from interfering in its UK elections. A spokesman told us, "We are very worried about other...

Awkward moment for Joseph as Jesus gets Ancestry UK DNA testing kit for Christmas

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In what has been described as the most awkward Christmas gift ever; Jesus has been given an Ancestry UK DNA testing kit for Christmas. One...
Swiper

Swiper named as Map Safety Ambassador by UN

The World Health Organization (WHO) has appointed Swiper, the thieving rodent, as a "map safety ambassador" to help tackle dangerous map use. New WHO head...

Mary forced to give birth on stable floor after health insurance refuses to cover...

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A woman that claims she's about to give birth to the son of God has told the Herald, about how she is being forced...

Sex Workers to sue Daily Mail for comparing them to Melania Trump

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Millions of sex workers are suing right wing rag, The Daily Mail, after they referred to Melania Trump as a "former sex worker" in...
Obama and Biden

Obama and Biden spend last afternoon playing ‘hide the turd’ at White House

7
Outgoing President and his VP Joe Biden have spent their last afternoon in office playing 'hide the turd' in The White House.
ISIS

Isis Claims Responsibility for Education Fair Funding Formula Terror

In a shock announcement this morning, that surprised no one, a spokes-stool for Isis (other names are available) claimed credit for the proposed funding...
Surprised Santa

Santa to be denied entry to U.K. under proposed points system

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Santa is to be denied entry to the UK under the new points based immigration system. A Home Office spokesman told us, "The system...
Trump Family KKK Photograph

Donald Trump tells world press there were good people at White Supremacist Rally

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Donald Trump told a press conference that there were good people amongst the white supremacists and Neo-Nazis at the Charlottesville Unite the Right protest...
Golf Resort

Trump ends feud with North Korea after golf resort deal agreed

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The world has been glued to the news whenever Donald Trump makes an announcement regarding the bitter rivalry with North Korea. As we have...
Demolition

New EU regulations will require all new houses to have Toulouse

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Flush from the success of Brexit, the EU Commission has been swift to demonstrate what the future looks like without a good hard Brit. ...

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