Thoughts and prayers shortages in US reaching crisis point
Shortages of thoughts and prayers for the victims of gun violence is said to be reaching crisis point this morning with many dead people...
Trump challenges Nancy Pelosi to MMA fight
In perhaps his most bizarre tweet ever Donald Trump has challenged Nancy Pelosi to a fight in the "Pentagon".
On the eve of his expected...
Women remain underrepresented amongst Taliban leadership
It has been revealed that women remain underrepresented amongst the leadership of the Afghan terrorist group the Taliban.
An internal review carried out by...
Bear Cancels Plan To Shit In Woods
Bryan Pickle, an unemployed brown bear, interrupted a meeting at The National History Museum this morning to make a surprise announcement.
"I've been thinking about...
Worst thing to happen in America today was my hair got wet, Trump tells...
The actual real life president of the United States of America told the Future Farmers of America Convention that the worst thing to happen...
Hard Core Fans Dismayed as PJ Harvey Admires Theresa May’s Shoes
Hardcore fans of uncompromising musician Polly Jean (PJ) Harvey have reacted angrily to their musical idol expressing admiration for Prime Minister Theresa Mary May's...
Mexico Offers to Purchase Channel Tunnel Following Brexit
A Mexican conglomerate has offered to purchase the Channel Tunnel when Britain formally leaves the European Union.
Juan Tunnelsunda, CEO of Tunnels 2 US, a...
FBI reveals to Trump evidence of a golf course at Chernobyl
The FBI have allegedly revealed the location of a secret golf course in Chernobyl to Donald Trump today.
One FBI spokesman said, "POTATUS was on...
‘MPs Must Respect Democracy’ Demand People With Negligible Grasp Of Democracy
MPs from all parties and from all areas of Britain are being called upon by smug triumphalists to deliver a near unanimous vote in...
Gun sales rise 300% ahead of Trump Inauguration
American gun sales have enjoyed a steep rise in the days leading up to the President elect's inauguration.
"It's almost 200% more than when Bush...
English All Xenophobic Wankers – says Nicola Sturgeon without Hint of Irony
Nicola Sturgeon will today claim that “Godless English Imperial filth” are using Brexit as a “licence for xenophobia” and that the English “are secretly working to not be considered Wankers by absolutely everyone.”
ISIS win the war by leaving passports at home
America, Russia and the United Nations admitted defeat earlier today and proclaimed ISIS the winners of the global holy war.
President elect Trump has already...
Trump defuses “alt facts” row by appointing Humpty Dumpty as Secretary of State for...
US President Donald Trump today moved to defuse the smouldering row over the 'alternative facts' presented by his media counsellor Kellyanne Conway, by appointing fictional Alice-Through-the-Looking-Glass...
Aliens land on earth, demand under no circumstances to be taken to our leaders
It has been confirmed that aliens have landed on earth over the festive period. Their large red craft, powered by nine outlying vaguely reindeer-shaped...
EU offers bribe of better UK weather if we remain
The European Union, desperate for the UK to remain, have said that the proposed European Standard Weather system due to come into operation early...
Putin starts worrying that he might be a dick
Russian President Vladimir Putin has reportedly started worrying that he might actually be a bit of a dick.
Sources close to Putin have revealed that...
