Children all across America are giddy with excitement that it is now officially only three US defence secretaries until Christmas morning.

The news comes after the last adult in the White House, General Jim Mattis, left his post early to concentrate on digging a bunker in his back garden.

“I can’t believe it’s almost here again. It’s that time of year. Nothing says Christmas quite like a big stack of top level resignations in the White House.” Jimmy McLowski, 8, told The Rochdale Herald.

“It’s a shame to see Jim Mattis go. To be honest I’m surprised that somebody appointed by Barack Obama survived in this White House as long as he did. Did you know he was a General in the Marine Corps?”

“Tomorrow morning we’ve got some nutter who has never been in the military but worked at Boeing. Then in the afternoon Jared’s going to take over and by Tuesday morning it’s Ivanka’s turn!”

“I can’t sleep I’m so excited, or am I terrified. I hope we don’t all die in a nuclear holocaust before Santa gets here.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.