Heroic arsonist awarded posthumous bravery medal for putting out fire
A heroic self-admitted arsonist in Northern Ireland has been awarded a posthumous medal for bravery after spending half a lifetime putting out suspicious looking...
Australia to import convicts and export coal – Says Turnbull
Australian Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull, has left the G20 Summit with what he called a "stupendous new deal". After much grovelling to British Prime...
Trump nominates Bill Cosby for US Supreme Court
Bill Cosby has been elected to the US Supreme Court after being sentenced for sex assault.
Cosby, who today received a 10 year sentence for...
Putin to sing ‘This land is my land’ at Eurovision tonight
Russia today announced suprise plans to enter the Eurovision song contest tonight. The Russian entry is to be sung by Vladimir Putin and is entitled "This
land...
Macron wants UK to give him head in return for Bayeux tapestry
Monarchists were today outraged by the suggestion by Emmanuel Macron, President of France, that the severed heads of the British royal family would be...
UK border agency given right to conduct posthumous deportations
The UK border agency has been given the green light to start deporting the interred remains of people not born in the UK, a...
Santa to be denied entry to U.K. under proposed points system
Santa is to be denied entry to the UK under the new points based immigration system.
A Home Office spokesman told us, "The system...
Da Vinci’s ‘My Spunky Pantaloons’ sells for £45m
A previously unknown Leonardo da Vinci work "My Spunky Pantaloons" has been bought bought by Charles Saatchi for £45m.
The jizzy kecks will be...
Only a good guy with a nuclear weapon can stop a bad guy with...
The only way to stop a bad guy with a nuclear weapon is a good guy with a nuclear weapon. That's according to the...
Ceuta is nothing like Gibraltar, King Felipe of Spain tells UK without hint of...
The Spanish King called for a deal on the status of Gibraltar yesterday. King Felipe VI clarified in no uncertain terms that:
“The status of...
Trump attends Paris Armistice commemoration after hearing there is a golf course nearby
POTATUS has attended an Armistice commemoration in Paris a day after demonstrating the sort of spirit that has earned him the nickname, Cadet Bone...
Satirist sues CNN for stealing Trump Headline
The Rochdale Herald has issued a cease and desist letter to CNN after they stole a satirical headline about Donald Trump.
Governor of Puerto Rico seeks Theresa May’s advice on how to rule an island...
The Governor of Puerto Rico, Jorge Aliouet sent an urgent appeal to Prime Minotaur Theresa May tonight.
The island of Puerto Rico has been devastated...
Hammond to Create National Hoard
In advance of Brexit negotiations Phillip Hammond is to bury all of the country's wealth in a hole in the ground.
The hole, believed to...
Kim Jong-Un to get star makeover.
In a bid to reclaim his slipping crown of clown demagogue, South Korean leader Kim Jong Un is to appear in his new celebrity...
David Brent to sing Equality Street at Trump Inauguration
Following the shock withdrawal of Bruce Springsteen tribute band the B-Street Band from the Trump Inauguration David Brent is thrilled to announce that his band Foregone Conclusion have agreed terms to perform.
