Sweden not rocked by terrorist incident

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Hundreds of Swedes were not killed on Friday night by a terrorist attack. A suicide bomber, described by police as non-existent, failed to detonate explosives in a crowded shopping centre, or, indeed, anywhere else.
Time Magazine

Trump towers above the little people for TIME magazine

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President-elect of the USA Donald J Trump has been named “Person Of The Year” by TIME magazine which referred to its own nation as...

Turning Trump off and on again doesn’t seem to have done any good

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The White House Head of IT has expressed his heightened concern that the Presidency could be heading for a critical outage. Head of IT Maurice...

Your 60 second news round-up

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Here's The Rochdale Herald's round-up of today's important news headlines: - UKIP leader's girlfriend is a nasty little racist - Nicola Sturgeon backs a second Scottish...

Pakistani woman sentenced to death for insulting Harry Potter

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A woman in Pakistan has been sentenced to death for insulting the fictional character, Harry Potter. The woman's lawyer told us, "This woman deeply insulted Harry Potter...
Imortan Joe with Trump's face

Mad Max: Fury Road found to be future documentary sent back as a warning

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"Mad Max:Fury Road" has been found to be a future documentary, sent back as a warning. The documentary, originally titled 'Trump's Legacy' was hastily thrown...

Syrians praying for UK dog owners tonight

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People across Syria are united in prayer tonight as Britain is bombarded with heavy rounds of fireworks, the worst we've seen in weeks. "It's horrendous"...
Bomb Squad

May tells Merkel,”This is just a taste of what I’ve got”.

News reports this morning state that the entire city of Hannover is to be evacuated following the discovery of numerous unexploded WW2 bombs. Apparently, Theresa...
Justice

Britain plans Brexit trade deal ‘perverts for peace’

Following the embarrassment of the spectacular failure of a hideously expensive program to rehabilitate sex offenders, Ministry of Justice officials are arranging study visits...
Pathologist

Not being liked by Vladimir Putin IS natural causes, confirms coroner

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The UK police have admitted that perhaps they had jumped to a hasty conclusion after coroners concluded that a Russian businessman who strangled himself...
Smiling Liam Fox

Liam Fox Announces Trade Deal With Iraq

Liam Fox, Secretary of State For International Trade, has followed up the success of his charm offensive with Duterte, the leader of the Philippines...

President Trump’s half-brother assassinated in Kuala Lumpur

In a shocking announcement from Malayasia, official sources have revealed that President Donald Trump's half-brother has been assassinated at Kuala Lumpur Airport. According to local TV reports, Mr...

Trump Team Dismiss 9 Year-Old ‘Body Swap’ Claims

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A spokesperson for Donald Trump has described as “absurd” claims being made by a Wisconsin couple that the President-elect is actually their 9 year-old son.  Mike and...

World shits itself after Putin spotted smiling

Political commentators in Moscow are all-a-chatter today over the unprecedented gossip that Vladimir Putin has been observed smirking slightly.  The current record was set in...
Kim Jong-un

Kim Jong-Un to get star makeover.

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In a bid to reclaim his slipping crown of clown demagogue, South Korean leader Kim Jong Un is to appear in his new celebrity...
angry man

Swearing Increasing Exponentially Since Trump’s Inauguration

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Use of swear words has increased dramatically since Donald Trump’s inauguration, a study has shown. Since the 20th of January, the average number of swear...

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