Trump loses grip on reality, demands to be new Dr Who.

1
US President Donald Trump has called on the BBC to appoint him as the new Dr Who. In a series of tweets at 3am this...

Da Vinci’s ‘My Spunky Pantaloons’ sells for £45m

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A previously unknown Leonardo da Vinci work "My Spunky Pantaloons" has been bought bought by Charles Saatchi for £45m. The jizzy kecks will be...
International Thundercunt

Donald Trump wins ‘International Thundercunt of the Year Award’ after declaring war on children

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President Donald Trump has been awarded the International Thundercunt of the Year Award following his decision to remove protections for young people brought into...
Golden sceptre

Trump orders Fabergé selfie-stick for inauguration

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In preparation for his inauguration ceremony, President elect Trump has commissioned Fabergé, the esteemed and historic jewellery makers to the Russian emperors, to craft...

May to appeal to Supreme Court ruling at European Court of Justice

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In a move that has thoroughly confused political observers, Theresa May has instructed the Attorney General to appeal today's Supreme Court judgement on Article...
Beynonce Knowles

We need buoyancy aids not Beyonce aid, say Houston flood victims

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Residents of Houston were bemused by an offer from pop star Beyonce offering help for those affected by the recent flooding. “We asked for buoyancy...

ISIS withdraw from Iraq after Blair’s return to politics announcement

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Tony Blair yesterday announced that he intended to fill a massive hole and that after that he'd return to British politics. In an interview he...

Home Office to open Job Centre and Benefits Office in Migrant Calais Jungle

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There was outrage in the editorial bunker at The Rochdale Herald after one of the editorial team accidentally read an article in the Telegraph. "It...
Gun held in front of American flag

Trump makes it compulsory to carry guns in US

3
President Donald Trump has apparently just signed a new executive order making it compulsory for American citizens to carry guns about them at all...
Theresa May

Theresa May admits using ‘BREXOMATHICS’ to calculate number of overstaying foreign students

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"It's so simple, you take a real number and keep doubling it until everyone's eyes light up," explained May pointing out that it worked...

Pound Hits New High of “20 Bundles of Corn” as USA Adopts Barter System

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The US Dollar has been abandoned and the Barter System adopted following Donald Trump's victory in the 2016 US Presidential Election. Fort Knox are...

Heroic arsonist awarded posthumous bravery medal for putting out fire

A heroic self-admitted arsonist in Northern Ireland has been awarded a posthumous medal for bravery after spending half a lifetime putting out suspicious looking...

UN tells Goodwill Ambassador to fuck off

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After a record low of zero days in the job, the new UN Ambassador, whose job it would've been to generally spread love and...
Trump Walking

Trump’s cognitive ability is normal, says White House vet

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WASHINGTON: The actual real-life US President Donald Trump has achieved a normal score on a cognitive exam and is in excellent fettle, although he...

Jeremy Corbyn reveals plan to become Iranian Ayatollah

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In a surprising announcement, Jeremy Corbyn has said he plans to become Ayatollah in a bid to replace Ayatollah Ali Khamenei in Iran. A spokesman...
Sean Spicer

Sean Spicer suspended from Labour Party over Hitler comments

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Tom Watson has announced this morning that the White House press secretary, Sean Spicer is to be investigated by the Labour Party for anti-Semitic...

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