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So called 'Islamic State'  have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts. A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after witnessing a man have a melt down with a vending...

A pair of lucky childless bastards have managed to book an off-season five star holiday to an empty resort at a cost of almost exactly fuck all. Mark and Emma Warner, 37 and 32, found...

Letterboxes around the UK have stood by their remarks about the Boris Johnson after the Post Office chairman asked them to apologise. There is broad cross party support for letterboxes who have been criticised by...

Researchers at Rochdale Community University have concluded that people who "tell it like it is" are invariably complete arseholes. "People who 'tell it like it is' are invariably complete arseholes." Emeritus Professor of Casual Racism...

Wolverhampton & Dudley will declare independence from the West Midlands in a matter of days, the leader of the autonomous region has told the Rochdale Herald. Following a heated meeting on Sunday at Mad O'Rourke's...

Tributes have been paid to Gregor McGregor, Scotland's oldest man who died today aged 35.  An angry man with an impenetrable accent told us, "It's with great sadness that news reaches us of McGregor's passing....

Scores of New Year's Eve partygoers descended on London last night to watch the spectacular fireworks display through their smartphones. Over a hundred thousand people stood next to each other with their devices held aloft...

The people responsible for negotiating the UK's exit from the European Union have confirmed that three billion pounds is a completely reasonable sum of money to spend on a boat with a hole in...

Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have yet to come to fruition. ISIS-supporter and sad little wanker,...

There was befuddlement all over the UK this morning after every motorist in the country reported that the clock in the car is mysteriously showing the correct time. According to sources the clock in the...

A new fundraising campaign from Oxfam appealing to the better nature of child abusers is asking for just £3 a month to pay for drugs and sex with children for Aid workers. "Obviously our paedophiles...

People across the country have been delighted by the recent news that one of the UK's sponsored panhandlers has decided to let a wealthy, successful actress share his state benefits by marrying her at...

A country full of religious crackpots and nuclear weapons has condemned another country full of religious crackpots for pressing on with their nuclear programme. Hassan Rouhani, the President of Iran, has spoken to The Rochdale...

Couples who call each other Mummy and Daddy have been told by the authorities to pack it the fuck in or be faced with having their toenails removed with pliers and being fed to...

In breaking news Piers Morgan has burned to death in a devasting chip pan fire in a static caravan at Hollingsworth Lake Caravan Park

The government has voted to reject a bill that recognises that hunt saboteurs are humans who feel pain and emotion. Following an incident over the weekend during which a horrible toff on a horse thrashed...