Stonehenge

Druids “fecking knackered” after moving Stonehenge an hour forward

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With the season now officially spring, clocks up and down the nations have been moved forward one hour to adjust to British Summer Time;...

Dog shit bin in Rochdale park to be named after Nigel Farage in New...

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A new dog waste bin being installed in Mandale Park is to be named after Nigel Farage, according to plans allegedly leaked by a...
Donald Trump has a gold leaf living room yet tells the government he doesn't pay tax because you would waste it

Man with solid gold living room tells government “I don’t pay tax because you...

1
A man who owns a solid gold living room reportedly told one hundred million of his closest friends that he doesn't pay Tax in...
Space Rocket

Audi driver becomes first in space after tailgating Tesla into orbit

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A Rochdale man has become the first Rochdale resident to go into space. Ted Skeat, 48 achieved the feat by tailgating a Tesla car on...
Beer

Sad wankers unable to even part a Londoner from his beer

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Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have...

Thousands gather in London to watch fireworks through their phones

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Scores of New Year's Eve partygoers descended on London last night to watch the spectacular fireworks display through their smartphones. Over a hundred thousand people...
Rees Mogg

You lost get over it, Jacob Rees-Mogg told

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has been told to get over losing the no confidence vote in Theresa May last night. Mr Rees-Mogg heads the European Research Group...

Southern Rail Timetable wins Man Booker Prize for fiction

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The visionary author of Southern Rail's timetable, Bernard Jones, has been announced as the seventh winner of the Man Booker International Prize for fiction. The...

Archbishop Welby kicks shit out of Nigel Farage following Twitter spat

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Archbishop Welby is currently helping police with their enquiries in Westminster after allegedly kerb stomping Nigel Farage.
Donald Trump

Too soon since last mass shooting and not long enough before next one to...

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In the wake of the latest mass shooting in a bar in Ohio that has claimed the lives of at least 9 people The White...

Christian groups OUTRAGED as Apple replace Christian emojis with Islamojis

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The next update to Apple's iOS devices will feature almost 100 Islamic emojis, dubbed Islamojis, replacing almost all Christian iconography available on the iPhone...

Daily Mail Readers confused more toddlers haven’t walked alone to UK from Syria

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Daily Mail Readers are confused more toddlers haven't walked the 2,000 miles to Calais from Syria.
Daleks

Daleks to replace ‘exterminate’ slogan with ‘strong and stable’ for 2049 re-election bid.

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?Speaking from a neutral zone hyperdock, leader of the New Dalek Empire Theres- Sorry, Dalek Sec, said today that the bid for re-election in...
Brian

Corbyn confirmed as ‘not Messiah, but a very naughty boy’

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In a shock revelation today, it has been confirmed that the Labour leader and General Election candidate Jeremy Corbyn is not in fact the...

Tommy Robinson thrown out of restaurant after complaining about ‘Allah Cart’ menu

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Tommy Robinson has been thrown out of a restaurant in Oldham after a campaign event today after starting a row with the manager over...

In absence of dragons, brave knight slays thousands of poor, disabled and homeless

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Albion; pleasant, fair and green In the year of our Lord, 2020 Dragons were few and seldom seen, Yet poor folk were a plenty   Though dragons were vanquished...

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