Sunshine

Town centres full of fat topless pricks for some reason

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Town centres are chock full of topless, pasty white fat pricks for some reason according to sources. For some reason thousands upon thousands of fat...

Melania Trump was definitely not a prostitute says Melania Trump & Daily Mail

3
Slovenian "model" and "wife" of "human being" Donald Trump has lashed out at allegations in The Daily Mail that she was a sex worker...

Owning an IKEA loyalty card doesn’t count as Swedish heritage, disappointed Scots told

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Avid football fans across Scotland were left disappointed earlier today when it was confirmed that membership of IKEA's Family Card scheme does not count as Swedish heritage.  The news comes...
Factory Fire

Explosion in Burnley pie factory causes £3.14159265359 of damage

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Since the early 1970s, the Trivial Piesuits factory has been a welcome source of employment, nourishment, and scent for Burnley residents. The squat factory unit,...
Kuenssberg

Theresa May hires Laura Kuenssberg as political analyst

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Laura Kuenssberg thrilled her BBC colleagues this evening by announcing she was leaving Aunty to work full time for Theresa May as a political...

Stevie Wonder just chooses to be blind, says Kanye West

Batshit crazy US rapper Kanye West has said that the Stevie Wonder’s blindness may be a “choice.”

Piers Morgan quits Good Morning Britain to reprise Pigeon Lady role in Home Alone...

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Piers Morgan has reportedly quit Good Morning Britain this week in order to reprise his award-winning role of Pigeon Lady in the Home Alone...
Kardashian

Aleppo Children launch crowdfunding campaign to replace Kim Kardashian jewellery

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Children in Aleppo have called for an official Day of Mourning as they grieve in solidarity with the Kardashian family for the loss of...
Clubbing

Couple looking forward to annual tedious night out, in dreadful nightclub with hideous people

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A middle aged Rochdale couple are reportedly giddy with excitement about their annual tedious night out in a horrible club with hideous people  tonight. Barbara...
Asda

Black Friday riots as Asda sell trolleys for £1

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Riot police had to be called to a Rochdale Asda today following a bout of civil disorder. Heavy discounts meant customers could purchase trolleys...
Man with mug of tea

Northern man puts teabag directly in bin without putting it in the sink

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In a world first a northern man has put a teabag into the bin without first putting it into the sink for a few...
James Hewitt

James Hewitt ‘THRILLED’ at Prince Harry’s engagement to Megan Markle

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James Hewitt has said he's 'thrilled' at the announcement of the engagement of Prince Harry to 'some sort from America'. "Many people don't know this,...
Theresa May

Winning a general election easier than taking benefits from orphans says woman who took...

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Like the irritating eager new guy at work, dark Sith Lord and unelected PM, Theresa May, announced a snap general election 15 minutes before...
Nigel Farage

If it wasn’t for my £4m house and investment portfolio I’d be practically penniless,...

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Nigel Farage, the former leader of Ukip, has told The Rochdale Herald that if it wasn't for his £4M house, his £2.5M investment portfolio...
Fat Man on Beach

I’m not an immigrant, I’m British says Britain First supporter who lives on the...

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When asked what he would describe himself as, as an Englishman abroad, he will usually say something like: “Im an export int I”
Theresa May

Theresa May meets Nicola Sturgeon to tell her to fuck off in person

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Theresa May met children's entertainer and Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon today to tell her to fuck off in person. Ostensibly the meeting was to...

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