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Researchers at Rochdale Community University have concluded that people who "tell it like it is" are invariably complete arseholes. "People who 'tell it like it is' are invariably complete arseholes." Emeritus Professor of Casual Racism...

Local Brexit voter, Steve Dickinson, is said to be furious with Manchester Golf Club after discovering he can't get the tee off times he wants since letting his membership lapse.

It's been suggested that Meghan Markle's dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters wedding. Family member, Johannes Atlanta Florida Mississippi III told us, "The...

There were touching scenes at The Moderates against Moderation riot in the car park outside Rochdale's now infamous Waitrose as police and rioters came together to help a fat man out of his trousers. Steve...

It's been revealed that a plan to put Michael Gove in a Wicker man on Saddleworth Moor has gained cross party approval and could go ahead as early as this week. The plan will see...

Allegations have recently arisen that Conservative MP and incumbent minister of the cabinet office, Damian Green MP had been browsing and downloading 'thousands' of pornographic images on his work computers. The allegations that the MP...

A Rochdale man has been jailed for seven years for crimes against tea, it has been reported today. Steve Dickinson, 42 and a bit, was sentenced this morning after being found guilty of sixteen thousand...

Sajid Javid has accidentally deported himself to Pakistan. A Home Office spokesman said, "Mr Javid has said that a hard Brexit is a good thing as it means a more robust immigration policy can be...

Our intrepid reporter Charlie Stuart spends the day with a patriot on a mission.

News is just in that spot poll of everybody in the UK has revealed today that the UK's favourite synonym for taking a dump is now "off to free Tommy Robinson." According to experts at...

Unsubstantiated sources allege Dacre is comfortably the vilest hate-peddling shitweasel in the UK. Feel free to tell us if you disagree with these allegations. But we ask, who are we to question the conclusions? Consider...

A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams. "It's not just the size" said knob measuring boffin Dr Klopp of Rochdale's...

Americans across America are celebrating the fact that for the first time since the invention of calendars there have been more days in the year than mass shootings in America. "It's super! I genuinely can't...

The foreign secretary Dominic Raab has warned British nationals not to travel to Iran or any other Scandinavian countries following last week's US airstrikes on the capital of Bulgaria, Baghdad. "I'm not sure why people...

The patrons and entire staff team at The Reed public house were in shock yesterday, after a man wearing a culturally iconic but no longer relevant t-shirt of a long dead punk group managed...

Police were called yesterday afternoon after a large group of women were caught flouting the controversial "Burkini Ban" on Rochdale's world famous Stansfield Beach. Members of the public walking their dogs were distressed to see...