Hangmans Noose

Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto

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The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto. Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob...

Theresa May reveals plans for future funding cuts.

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Theresa May faced the press this week in a hope to clarify future government spending. In an exclusive interview with the Rochdale Herald she...
Brexiter

Means Testing Means Means Testing Means say Meanies

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Winter heating supplements for elderly people on low incomes are to become means tested, if the so-called Mean Party's manifesto promise is carried out.  In a...

Corbyn ‘sells out’ in Stoke

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Leader of the Labour Party, Jeremy Corbyn (27), has finally sold out in Stoke. “Every single copy of my Big Issues has gone…”, said Corbyn....

Prominent woman to feature on new £2 banknote nicknamed ‘Lost and found’ worth one...

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The Bank of England announced this morning that Prime Minister Theresa May will feature on a new two pound banknote timed for release in...
Theresa May

It’s bloody difficult being a bloody difficult woman, says bloody difficult woman.

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On Thursday night, Theresa May was stood up by her strong mandate and had to make her lonely way home alone. "Being Prime Minister...
David Davis U-turn

David Davis fails to negotiate corner on way to Brexit talks

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Brexit supremo David Davis has suffered a minor road accident when he tried, and failed, to negotiate a corner. Healthcare professionals were on the scene...

David Cameron admits he’s actually a working-class Liverpudlian

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Former Prime Minister David Cameron has admitted that, contrary to popular conception, he’s actually a working-class Liverpudlian. Cameron made the shock admission during an...
Trump

Trump restores American faith in Bush

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Donald Trump has today been credited with restoring America's faith in Bush. Dwayne Dwight of Alabama told the Herald "I was big into Bush in...

Theresa May: Donald Trump told me to grab EU by the pussy

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Donald Trump told Theresa May that she should "grab the EU by the pussy" rather than ask for its consent, according to an interview...

Farage Security Concern as Public learn sense can be knocked into UKIP MEP

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Steven Woolfe, the UKIP MEP, is being hailed as a “Medical Miracle” after becoming the 1st person in history to have had sense knocked into him.
Dunkirk

EU promises Dunkirk style flotilla to rescue nationals from UK “BREXKRIEG”

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The European Commission has confirmed that it has prepared plans to launch a Dunkirk style flotilla to rescue EU nationals in the event that...

Immortan Joe assures War Boys Post-Apocalyptic Desert Dystopia less chaotic than Brexit

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Gas Town will not be "plunged into a Brexit style world borrowed from dystopian fiction" after the nuclear winter, Immortan Joe has said today.

Politicians human too. Balls!

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Speaking on the Jeremy Vine show on BBC Radio 2 this afternoon, Strictly Come Dancer Ed Balls made the outrageous claim that politicians are...

Jacob Rees-Mogg completely opposed to jazz music and women in trousers under any circumstances

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During an appearance on The One Show this week, Conservative leadership favourite and plum-voiced time traveller, Jacob Rees-Mogg admitted his firm 1920s beliefs meant...

Jeremy C*nt to sue BBC for repeatedly getting his name wrong

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MP Jeremy C*nt has accused the BBC of deliberately getting his name wrong during broadcasts, in order to publicly belittle him. The angry parliamentary member...

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