Weary Rochdale let out yet another groan of despair after yet more revelations of the serial text pest and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk’s sex life hit the papers again.

This time it’s a 22 year old he allegedly disappointed in his surgery office. 

He usually just sticks to disappointing his consituents in his surgery office by voting for Trident, sexting teenage girls, watching pornography on work laptops and colouring in the grey area of his expenses applications.

The disappointment was said to have not lasted that long because “he was pretty drunk”. Simon took to Twitter last night to say; 

“We come to mass to learn to love.”

We wonder if that’s where he got the idea it was appropriate to spank a 22 year old on the desk in his taxpayer funded office.

It has long been considered that the least gratifying sexual encounter in British politics was between Edwina Currie and John Major in 1984. Given time Danczuk is sure to seize the top spot.