Theresa May

Prime minister says, “Boris Johnson is not undermining me, I’m doing it all on...

12
The woman who thinks she's British prime minister stated clearly today, and repetitively, “Boris Johnson is not undermining me, I'm doing it all on my own.” The statement, and the at times quavering voice it...
Scientist

Not all Tories are twats, but all twats are Tories, scientists discover

46
Scientists have discovered that not all Tories are twats, but all twats are Tories. We all know that Michael Gove is a twat. Even his mum thinks so. But there are more. Take blond buffoon Boris...

Jeremy Corbyn washes the muddy feet of Glastonbury goers

42
This year's Glastonbury festival has turned into something of a spiritual and political awakening of the masses, as Jeremy Corbyn attended the annual arts festival to deliver a speech on unity and hope. Jeremy was...
Man with shocked face

Trump appoints David Duke to head Black Lives Don’t Matter initiative

0
Dr David Duke, former Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan, Senate hopeful and all American Nazi Screwball, has accepted President Elect Donald Trump’s offer of a key advisory role in his new government.

UKIP Conference cancelled due to Tory success

0
The annual gathering of UKIP, scheduled for 16th September, will now not go ahead reports say. "We have been watching the racism and general xenophobia of the Conservative conference very closely," said Arnold Goering, a...
Big Ben

Bullshit to power Westminster by 2025 say Greens

0
Pure bullshit from the House of Commons is to be converted into useful energy to power the City of Westminster, the Green Party has pledged. The bold new initiative aims to reduce parliament's carbon footprint...

Some bloke in UKIP said something about the BBC

0
Bill Etheridge, a candidate for hard right conservative comedy troupe UKIP has said that the BBC should be privatised because it's "shoving left wing propaganda down our throats. "Well, he looks like someone who knows...

Sex worker and fruit picker tops post-Brexit career options

5
According to a press release from the Federated Institution of Associated School Careers Officers, the Brexit Plan simplifies future British employment opportunities to sex work and fruit picking. A spokesman explained the advantages for parents. "If...
Boris Johnson

Boris overheard telling King Felipe of Spain ‘NO GIVO BACKO, CAPICHE’ whilst pointing at...

27
Boris Johnson has unveiled his diplomatic plan to engage with King Felipe and Queen Letizia over Brexit negotiations at a state meal. Johnson told the Herald, "The trick with the dagos is to SPEAK LOUDLY...

Trump’s presidency is ‘metaphorical, not literal’, says Spicer

0
Following unsubstantiated wiretapping allegations, president Trump’s press secretary, Sean Spicer, has argued that Trump is the metaphorical president and leader of the free world, rather than the literal one. “All these things, elections, accusations, tweets, policy...
Michael Gove

Being interviewed about your job is a bit like being raped, says chinless toad

0
The United Kingdom has apologised "unreservedly" for making Michael Gove a Cabinet Minister after he compared being raped to being a bit like being politely asked questions about his job during an interview on Radio...

Party Leader Debate format Paul Nuttal noisily arguing with himself for an hour

0
News broke earlier today that Labour leader and bewildered Billy goat, Jeremy Corbyn, would not be participating in the upcoming televised debates ahead of the General Election in June. Theresa May was the first leader to abstain,...

Mark Francois – Gammon Messiah: A Parliamentary Sketch

0
An hour of hilarity last night made the last three years of purgatory almost worth it. The efforts by the hardest, crustiest elements of the gammon, the very crackling of Parliament, to dissuade the speaker...
Corbyn Pram

Woman alleges Corbyn hasn’t paid her for pram PR stunt yet

0
Ms Mia Faberge has alleged Jeremy Corbyn is yet to pay her for the PR stunt wherein she lent him her sister’s baby in a pram to carry up some stairs. Faberge said she always...

Exclusive CIA interview: Russia definitely baddies.

0
The Herald, your only reliable source for news these days, has yet again got the scoopiest of exclusives, today we interview the CIA on the recent Russian hacking and election tampering. RH: Good afternoon....
Bearded "hipster"

Hipster twats demand clean shaven white twats condemn terror twats

1
Nathan Barley led calls today for clean shaven white twats to “take responsibility for their community.” “It is imperative, at this time of national crisis, for us to be clear that not all white twats...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts