Firefighters called to Downing St after woman stuck in windows retrieving solid policy document

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Reports this morning out of Downing Street say firefighters were called last night after a woman became stuck between two windows attempting to retrieve...
fox cubs

Percentage of foxes voting for Conservatives hits all-time high

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A spokesfox for the Confederation of Midland Foxes, who asked to be identified only as Foxy McFoxface said "She might be stark raving bonkers, but at least...

Gun sales rise 300% ahead of Trump Inauguration

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American gun sales have enjoyed a steep rise in the days leading up to the President elect's inauguration. "It's almost 200% more than when Bush...

Britain happy to be America’s toilet after Brexit and doesn’t fear a blockage

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Dr Liam Fox is in America this week offering the United Kingdom up as America’s toilet, after Brexit, and sees no risk of a...

Trudeau Promises Canadian Citizens A Wall. ‘U.S. Will Pay’

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Canadian Premier Justin Trudeau reacted to the news of Donald Trump's election as US President by announcing plans for a wall to be built...
Interrogation

Torture works say fictional super villains and Donald Trump

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Unnatural freaks, social outcasts and fictional horror characters are lining up to support President Trump's assertion that "torture works". "I've racked my brains to find...
Ladder

Trump’s view on border wall evolves after learning the word ‘ladder’

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Donald Trump has sensationally dropped his controversial border wall plan, a key election promise, after seeing one of his Mexican labourers use a ladder for the first time.
Secret Santa

Boris gets a turd in a box in Cabinet Secret Santa

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We heard today that during the final cabinet meeting of 2016, Secret Santa gifts were distributed between Ministers. Chancellor of the Exchequer, the right honourable...

US to build lots of walls around Mexicans in US.

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Donald Trump has confirmed that the building of the Mexican wall will go ahead and has given further details of its construction.  Rather than trying...
Ann Widdecombe

Humans cured of sexuality after imagining Ann Widdecombe masturbating in the bath

Scientists from Rochdale's Community University have finally managed to find a cure for human sexuality after asking people to imagine Ann Widdecombe fiddling with...
Man on Toilet

Theresa May accuses Corbyn of using ‘Fake Poos’ to attack the Government and damage...

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A damning Government report, and therefore it's Theresa May saying it, has accused men, and therefore by inclusion Jeremy Corbyn, of using Fake Poos to attack...
Blue Passport

Man left fuming after blue passport cover turns out to be Prussian blue

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A Rochdale man has spoken of his anger after his new blue passport cover turned out to be Prussian blue with gold lettering. Cliff Edge...
Westminster

Voters must provide family coat of arms as ID insists government

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The government has been accused of the suppression of voters' rights after plans to introduce compulsory checks of a family coat of arms for...
EU

EU condemns punchy politics

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After events today the EU has made an announcement about violent behaviour. Guy Verhofstadt, famous both for having a mouth like a vending machine and...

Theresa May to Naked Mud Wrestle Nicola Sturgeon for the Right to Trigger Brexit

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British Prime Minister Theresa May is to mud wrestle naked with Scottish nationalist leader Nicola Sturgeon for the right to trigger article 50 to take the...

Dacre overjoyed as Khan hints at Brexit backdown

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There are reports of loud and frenzied whooping sounds coming from the office of Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre this afternoon at the news...

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