Houses of Parliament

New dress code requires MPs to wear oven gloves in Parliament at all times

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The UK Parliament's Committee on Standards has announced plans to require all male MPs to wear oven gloves whenever they attend the building. The Committee...

Bands line up to celebrate Trump’s impeachment

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The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal the star studded line up already in place for celebrating the impeachment of Donald Trump, expected to take...
Shouty man

‘Corporal punishment should be reinstated’ – people against Sharia law

4
A recent survey of lobotomised knuckle dragging fuck nuggets revealed that they are fighting against the values that they themselves hold most dear. We caught...

UKIP pledge to bring back 70’s style pubic hair

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UKIP have pledged to restore pubic hair to levels not seen since the 1970's, in a move they hope will secure the allegiance of...

Trump rushed to John Hopkins with severe burns

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Donald Trump is said to be in a stable but critical condition this morning after being rushed to hospital suffering from self inflicted third...

Watson Denies Corbyn Car Crash Rumours

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Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, Tom Watson, has denied rumours that recent focus groups conducted by the party to determine popularity of alternative leaders involved simulated car accidents in which Jeremy Corbyn was involved in hit and run incidents.

Electoral Commission added to watchlist of subversive organisations

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The Government announced today that, after a long and thorough review of the workings of the Electoral Commission, they have added it to the...

Giant Fish Finger and Lord Buckethead asked by Queen to prepare to govern

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The Giant Fish Finger and Lord Buckethead have been asked by the Queen to prepare to govern Britain. A spokesman for the Palace explained it...

£1.3 billion Cameron scheme a failure

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A scheme launched in 2012 by Cameron's government as a response to the 2011 riots has been an unmitigated failure, according to a report...
Michael Fallon on bus

Michael Fallon quits Cabinet to pursue dream of ‘not having to work here any...

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The Secretary of State for Defence has left colleagues at the Cabinet stunned when he sent a memo slating all of them at once. In...
Amazon

Amazon reports increase in sales of knives and sharpeners in run-up to Conference Season

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Politicians up and down the country have been inundating Amazon with orders for back-stabbing knives, hatchets, whetstones and sharpening steels as they ready themselves...
Pot calling kettle black

Daily Mail accuses BBC of not being impartial on Brexit

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The Daily Mail has accused the BBC of ignoring all the positive benefits Brexit has brought. In an editorial, the paper says that the BBC...

Putin Accused in Rogue One Plan Hack Report

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Emperor Palpatine has sensationally accused Russia of interfering in the internal affairs of the Galactic Empire. He has warned that the Empire will retaliate for...
Rees Mogg Farage

Massive bell end demands to hear massive bell end our EU relationship

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Jacob Rees-moog is leading a rabble of conservative political bell ends drunk on Prosecco demanding to hear a big bell chime on the day...

Nuttall loses close personal seats in election disaster

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Accident prone Paul Nuttall, leader of UKIP, faced fresh tragedy today after learning that all his ‘close personal seats’ were lost in an election...
Theresa May

Teresa May to trigger Brexit after finding Shergar

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Teresa May has finally announced her cabinet's decisive plan to trigger article 50 reminding Brexit voters that it is still "on her to do...

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