Theresa May today revealed her plans and a slogan for Brexit; a bitter, lonely and incontinent future with seventeen cats and no continent.

The slogan was widely accepted as an accurate reflection of how life after human rights will feel.

In other moves to try and turn the clocks back to the good old days May is planning; a return to public floggings, energy rationing, slum housing and third hand shoes on top of grammar schools.

Nothing like rose tinted spectacles and Werther’s Originals to really trample the dreams of children.

Maybe we could have a good old fashioned European land war with Germany to cheer us all up.

Get monthly highlights in your inbox

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.