Hangmans Noose

Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto

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The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto. Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob...

Unemployment figures fiddlers hit all time low

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The government is celebrating today as the figures released by the ONS show that unemployment as at its lowest since 1975 or something. “It’s a...

High Court Judge gives blow job to Brexit

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Theresa May's assertion that "Brexit means Brexit" has been met with a blow with a reply of "Democracy means Democracy" by the high court...

UK in shock as Boris Johnson steps down

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The people of the United Kingdom took a collective gasp today, Wednesday 1st of April, as Boris Johnson announced he would be stepping down. "This...

Simon Danczuk expected to volunteer as UKIP teenage pussy inspector

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"Although I'm a Labour candidate, I'll throw my support behind UKIP and volunteer to inspect teenage girls vaginas." Said local full time pornography enthusiast...

Green Party suffers rectal prolapse over Swansea Tidal Lagoon go ahead

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News of the go ahead for the green energy scheme at Swansea Tidal Lagoon has set heads spinning in Right On Brighton Pavilions today. "I’ll...
Michael Gove

Britons aghast at realisation that Brexit Bonus is Michael Gove as P.M.

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Ordinary, innocent Britons, along with many who voted Leave, were faced today with the horrendous realisation that the much vaunted 'Brexit Bonus' was likely...
Nuttall

UKIP Conspiracy theorists claim Paul Nuttall is being erased from history

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UKIP leader, Paul Nuttall PhD, is concerned that he is being erased from history by a shadowy group of leftist and liberal media conspirators.  He recently had to...

Yeah, well I didn’t want an election anyway, so ner, huffs ridiculous man child

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The degradation of formerly Great Britain continued this week, with the news that Boris Johnson has again failed in his attempt to call a...
Boris Johnson

Brexit is actually really hard confirm millionaires who stand to inherit everything but brains

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The Rochdale Herald has been briefed by a group of hardcore Brexit Conservative MPs who have confirmed that Brexit is actually really hard, even...

Brexit Party MEPs accidentally turn to face Mecca during national anthem

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Brexit Party MEPs have apologised to their racists after accidentally turning to face Mecca as the European Parliament returned. "It was an honest mistake and...
Golden sceptre

Trump orders Fabergé selfie-stick for inauguration

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In preparation for his inauguration ceremony, President elect Trump has commissioned Fabergé, the esteemed and historic jewellery makers to the Russian emperors, to craft...
Foodbank

Tories target youth vote by giving food bank users under 30 free Wham Bars

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The Conservatives hope to boost the number of young people applying for party membership by offering them a free Wham Bar every time they...

Theresa May reveals plans for future funding cuts.

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Theresa May faced the press this week in a hope to clarify future government spending. In an exclusive interview with the Rochdale Herald she...
Boris Johnson

Leave means Leave says Boris Johnson’s Girlfriend

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Boris Johnson's girlfriend has apparently told a befuddled Boris Johnson that leave means leave during a heated row at her flat in the early...
Pensioners

Remain camp optimistic about outcome of second referendum following forecasts of harsh winter

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Reports of a harsh winter allied with a fuel crisis has buoyed hopes of remaining part of the EC. Remain campaigner Frank Anwalther said "We...

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