Theresa May breaks fingernail as her grip on power weakens
Government manicurists today rushed to Theresa May's aid following a nail injury, frantically claiming it was merely "chipped varnish".
As finger after taloned finger...
Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for Trump visit
Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today.
There's been a...
Putin’s money was just resting in my account Trump tells James Comey
Donald Trump has dismissed as fake news any suggestion that money that has appeared in his account is anything to do with collusion with...
Theresa May to be replaced by heavy slow moving rain shower
“Rain shower means rain shower."
Theresa May shocked and disappointed by contents of freshly installed parliamentary suggestion box
Theresa May is said to be both shocked and disappointed this afternoon by the contents of the freshly installed parliamentary suggestion box.
The box, made...
Surprise and anger as Boris slips down the ‘worst diplomat ever chart’
There was consternation in Whitehall this morning as details emerged of several international diplomats who may in fact be much, much worse than Boris...
Saudia Arabia to pick next UK defence secretary
Saudi Arabia moved swiftly to reassure the British people this evening that the resignation of Michael Fallon has not caught them by surprise and...
Corbyn warned to Beware the Ides of March
Jeremy Corbyn, twice elected leader of the Labour party has been warned by a soothsayer to "Beware the Ides of March".
It comes days after the...
Boris catches coronavirus despite consistently washing hands of all responsibility
Finally, after what feels like years of writing about this car crash of a government you NHS applauding, social distance ignoring flag shaggers voted...
Liberal Democrats secure vital Rastafarian vote
The Liberal Democrats' General Election campaign took a huge step forward this morning after they secured the vital UK Rastafarian vote.
Soon to be estranged husband proposes ‘transitional sexual union’
Under the suggested terms of the deal, Britton, 34, would remain in the family home for up to a further two years, and would be entitled to avail himself of all the sexual benefits associated with a normal marriage.
Brexit is actually really hard confirm millionaires who stand to inherit everything but brains
The Rochdale Herald has been briefed by a group of hardcore Brexit Conservative MPs who have confirmed that Brexit is actually really hard, even...
60 million Americans explore cryogenic freezing to escape Trump
With the ordeal of four years of President Trump looming over the horizon millions of Americans have applied to be cryogenically frozen for his term in...
Boris Johnson feared dead?
Rumours are rife today that the comical floppy haired Brexit buffoon Boris Johnson may have popped his clogs. It's been weeks now since he has...
Trump state visit downgraded amid protest fears
It has been announced that President Trump’s forthcoming visit to the UK has been downgraded from a full state visit.
POTUS was invited to meet...
Sturgeon triggers IndyRef 2 after house lands on sister
Nicola Sturgeon sensationally called for an independence referendum after a house came seemingly from nowhere and landed on her sister.
Speaking through an interpreter she...
