King Joffrey to perform Iain Duncan Smith knighting ceremony

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Joffrey I Baratheon, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm is to perform...

Dead refugees welcome say Home Office

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Refugees will be welcome to Great Britain providing they are dead, under a new scheme announced by the Home Office. The new measures, expected to...

Tommy Robinson claims full English ruined by brown sauce

67
Hate preacher Thomas “Tommy” Robinson (not his real name) has become terribly distraught at the presence of brown sauce in traditional English cafes. ...
Michael Gove

Man who treated voters as morons during Brexit confirms voters are still morons after...

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Potato face Michael Gove has claimed that voters could have some impact on the Brexit deal if they so wished. Gove, who famously involved himself...

Blair and Branson to form New Virgin Labour

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An email leaked to the Independent has revealed that billionaire Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson (MBE OBE BFD) is to bankroll Lord Sir Tony...

Brexit Party MEPs accidentally turn to face Mecca during national anthem

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Brexit Party MEPs have apologised to their racists after accidentally turning to face Mecca as the European Parliament returned. "It was an honest mistake and...
Theresa May

UK to hold referendum on whether or not to carry on pretending May knows...

11
The Home Office announced this morning that voters in the U.K. will be asked to tick yes or no again in a referendum shortly....

Samuel L Jackson to provide voiceover for Conservative DUP deal

5
The world of entertainment is buzzing with the rumour that Samuel L. Jackson is to provide the voiceover for the Conservative DUP agreement announced...

UKIP appoint woman who put that cat in wheelie bin as advisor on cat...

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The collection of gammon faced halfwits known as the UK Independence party has appointed the internationally famous cat abuser Mary Bale as an advisor...

Iain Duncan Smith ‘devastated’ he may have to wait six weeks for knighthood

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Iain Duncan Smith, MP for Chingford and Woodford Green, says strict investiture rules mean he could be forced to wait as long as six...

Clocks won’t go back this month due to EU ruling

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The European Union and the UK Government have agreed that the UK's clocks won't go back an hour in October this year or change...
Sofa

David Davis and Liam Fox successfully negotiate paying full price for DFS sofa

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Liam Fox and David Davis have been telling reporters how they were able to utilise their formidable negotiating skills to buy a new sofa...

Whitewash of establishment nonces in the interests of the children – says dame

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 Amber Rudd is set to give evidence to a commons committee on the state of the inquiry into child sexual abuse in place of...
nurses

Overpaid nurses treat Berkshire woman for injuries sustained pruning magic money tree

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Medics at all major NHS hospitals in central London are on tenterhooks hoping to be the ones to treat a middle aged woman who...
Bomb Squad

May tells Merkel,”This is just a taste of what I’ve got”.

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News reports this morning state that the entire city of Hannover is to be evacuated following the discovery of numerous unexploded WW2 bombs. Apparently, Theresa...

Treasury seek OAP to sit in baked beans to fund Social Services

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In a surprise press release, the Treasury have today revealed a novel initiative to bolster funding for cash-starved Social Services. In the statement, Chancellor of...

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