Heseltine denies drowning kitten admits to strangling puppy
Lord Sir Michael Heseltine of Sith has dismissed the outrage over his admitting to throttling a dog as "Hippy nonsense!" as animal lovers across...
Corbyn’s reelection met with scenes of ecstatic jubilation
There were scenes of unprecedented jubilation at the news of the corduroy communist Corbyn's reelection at Downing Street today.
A spokes-Sloan for the Tory Party...
Mexico Offers to Purchase Channel Tunnel Following Brexit
A Mexican conglomerate has offered to purchase the Channel Tunnel when Britain formally leaves the European Union.
Juan Tunnelsunda, CEO of Tunnels 2 US, a...
Theresa May unable to un-grit her teeth after assuring Boris that he can keep...
Number 10 have confirmed today that Theresa May’s teeth are well and truly gritted and not coming unstuck anytime soon.
Whilst seen as a potential...
Boris gets a turd in a box in Cabinet Secret Santa
We heard today that during the final cabinet meeting of 2016, Secret Santa gifts were distributed between Ministers.
Chancellor of the Exchequer, the right honourable...
Conservative cabinet worried compensating fire survivors properly will just make them dependent on the...
Government emissions today suggest the Prime Minister and her cabinet are struggling to respond to last week's fire tragedy in a way that meshes...
Amazon reports increase in sales of knives and sharpeners in run-up to Conference Season
Politicians up and down the country have been inundating Amazon with orders for back-stabbing knives, hatchets, whetstones and sharpening steels as they ready themselves...
UKIP and Corbynista trolls to colour code social media posts to avoid confusion.
UKIP and the Corbynista wing of the Labour Party have reached a landmark agreement to prevent social media posts by their respective trolls and sock puppets...
UK threaten Russia with voting Nul Points at Eurovision
In the wake of the alleged poisoning of Sergei Skripal and his daughter in Wiltshire last week, the UK has stepped up pressure on...
Government Set to Outlaw Prime Numbers
In a surprise announcement this morning, it has emerged that the Government has released a White Paper aimed at criminalising the use of prime...
Theresa May sets new record for least informative interview
Theresa May, the first unelected Prime Minister to have deliberately had her hair cut into the shape of a bell end has given an...
Time Team special feature digging for past evidence of honesty in British politics
Tony Robinson is expected to take to Twitter this evening to announce an upcoming ‘Time Team’ special feature in which he and the gang...
Gove calls for post-Brexit legalisation of cannibalism
Former Tory minister and leading Brexit campaigner Michael Gove has called on the government to slash EU regulations on cannibalism which he claims have...
Jeremy Corbyn threatens to remove ISIS leaders from Christmas Card List
Jeremy Corbyn and Diane Abbott have taken the bold step to thoroughly condemn the actions of ISIS supporters this week and are preparing to...
Corbyn tells press conference if you strike me down I will become more powerful...
Following Theresa May's unsurprising announcement of a snap general election, Jeremy Corbyn has made a press statement.
Stood in front of a dozen media representatives he said;
"We...
Liberal Democrats secure vital Rastafarian vote
The Liberal Democrats' General Election campaign took a huge step forward this morning after they secured the vital UK Rastafarian vote.
