His most eminent dark overlord, Satan, has asked The Rochdale Herald to issue the following statement:

“I had 2 bottles of Jackie Dee and wrote this Trump election scenario as an email to my minions.

When I came round they’d put it into play, FFS! I never expected it to actually work. This was easier than toasting testicles on me trident!

Now that throttle jockey has been elected , I’m done. As an ambitious figure of pure evil I need a job with challenges.

As such, I’m going to get back to brass tacks. Maybe take some time out, coaxing teenagers into smoking, tempting sailors into overseas affairs. But I won’t be doing it here. Here my work is complete”.

“Smell ya later, losers.”


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