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Rochdale, UK

Record Turnout for Britain First in Rochdale for The Zestra Three

Chaotic scenes in Rochdale today as tens of thousands of Britain First supporters and other moderate right wing organisations including Pegida, the EDL and the Muslim Brotherhood rallied in support of The Zestra Three...

Hampstead Heath Glory Holes to close in respect for George Michael

Regular visitors to Hampsted Heath have been informed all glory holes will be closed from tomorrow as a mark of respect to George Michael. A mass of floral tribute has already began to appear outside...

Men in Rural England “Shitting Themselves” as Helen Titchener Walks Free

Men up and down the UK will now be sleeping with one eye open and replacing all the knives in the house with plastic picnic cutlery after the acquittal of Helen Titchener of Ambridge,...

Florence and Dougal quit UK over Brexit fears

In a shock move, Magic Roundabout stars Florence and Dougal have announced they are quitting the UK to move back to their native France amidst fears for their safety after the triggering of article...

David Brent to sing Equality Street at Trump Inauguration

Following the shock withdrawal of Bruce Springsteen tribute band the B-Street Band from the Trump Inauguration David Brent is thrilled to announce that his band Foregone Conclusion have agreed terms to perform.
Teletubbies

Christian Groups outraged as Multi-faith revamp of Teletubbies features NO Christian Character

Rochdale's creative industry seemingly received a huge boost last week as local TV production firm, Hot Pot Productions, was awarded a £6 million BBC contract to produce one hundred episodes of the revamped children's...

Owen Smith character is “my best yet”, says Sacha Baron-Cohen

I nearly called him Cohen Smith to highlight the failed attempt to paint Corbyn as an anti-Semite, says Sacha Baron-Cohen, the comic genius behind Ali G and Borat, “but I thought it might give...

Cliff Richard Still Not a Nonce – reports BBC

Singer, God-botherer and long term bachelor for no particular reason is still not suspected of fiddling with young men, according to a BBC report. The Beeb, who aren't at all bitter after they got...
Candice

Bake Off Champion Candice announces conversion to Islam

Candice Clay, winner of the 2016 Great British Bake off, has sensationally announced She is converting to Islam.

I’m not homophobic, you’re just a filthy sinner! says singer

It's alright to be a judgey bigoted fuck if it's based on Bronze Age superstition, singer Kim Burrell is insisting.

Paul Hollywood found dead after ‘eating himself’

Master baker, Paul Hollywood's human remains were found a few hours ago in a Premier Inn in Clitheroe. "All that was left was his right foot and a soggy bottom." Said Chief Superintendent Abdul Nasir. "We...

The Beckhams ditch L.A for glorious Rochdale

Today the Herald can exclusively reveal the jaw dropping news that the world's biggest star, glamour model, fashion icon, tireless charity worker and one of the finest footballers of his generation David Beckham (and...
Freddie Mercury and Brian May

Britain First drop ‘We Will Rock You’ theme on learning Freddie Mercury’s Indian heritage

In a documentary about the life and death of Freddie Mercury, which recently aired on the biffer TV network, Channel 5, it was pointed out that the legendary Queen frontman, whose birth name was Farrokh...

Rochdale man’s Bake Off doomed to defeat

Rochdale man Tom Gilliford is set cook up a storm as he stars in Bake Off 2016 on BBC One. Tom was born and grew up in Rochdale, though he now lives and works in...

Donald Trump to appear on Jeremy Kyle Show

Jeremy Kyle was said to be jubilant this morning after securing an exclusive appearance by Donald Trump. The show which is titled "Five children by Three Women" will almost certainly feature Donald Trump taking a...

DJ Dave’s 80’s FunHouse Mobile Disco Confirmed for Trump Inauguration

After the high profile withdrawals of many A-List celebrities, and the frankly embarrassing refusal of a string of tribute acts & pub singers, Donald Trump has turned to Dave's 80's Fun House Mobile Disco...

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