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New series of Celebrity Big Brother ‘most sacrificial yet’

As the line up for the new series of Celebrity Big Brother is announced, a Channel 5 insider has revealed that the show's producers may have ulterior motives. While the quality of the cattle used...
Rick Astley

Rick Astley gives up turns around and deserts you

The 80's smash hit superstar and naughties annoying meme, Rick Astley, is hanging up his mic once and for all. After the the shock death of his arch nemesis George Michael and general 2016 shittyness,...

Exclusive! Keith Richards talks about 2016

A bright New Year's Day and I am sitting in the fashionable Chelsea bistro 'Hereafter' waiting for Keef, as I know him, to arrive.  Amazingly, he is there on time, threading his way through the...

I wish it could be Brexit everyday

When the pounds begins to fall and economic growth begins to stall It puts a great big smile on a remainer’s face If you dive into despair And want to cover up your head Don't you lock...

Britain First Dates

After the success of its restaurant based dating show, Channel 4 are set to do a one-off Xmas special to coincide with Paul Golding being sent to prison called 'Britain First Dates'. The show will...
Alanis Morisette

Alanis Morisette to rename 1996 hit Inconvenient after learning what Ironic means

Canadian rock songstress Alanis Morisette has re-written her 1996 classic single "Ironic" after finally meeting a British person who filled her in on the meaning of the word irony.

Putin Accused in Rogue One Plan Hack Report

Emperor Palpatine has sensationally accused Russia of interfering in the internal affairs of the Galactic Empire. He has warned that the Empire will retaliate for Russian cyberattacks during the recent "Rogue One" theft of top...

Band Aid 2016 to raise Buckingham Palace repair costs

A new version of 'Do they Know is Christmas?' has been released in time for the Christmas number one top spot. The track by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure is the latest of many releases...

Charlie Brooker commits suicide whilst writing his 2016 Wipe

The much loved satirist repeatedly smashed his face into his own coffee table whilst reading through a draft of his hugely anticipated show. In the annual show, Brooker was famous for dissecting the previous year...
Star Wars Millennium Falcon

Millennium Falcon and on and on and on

As fans eagerly anticipate the latest film in the Star Wars saga, Rogue One, plans have been revealed for yet more films to be made.
Russell Brand

Russell Brand in hot water again for ‘pranking’ Andrews Sachs’ granddaughter

Long haired Labour killer and plastic revolutionary, Russell Brand, has come under fire once again this morning after 'pranking' the granddaughter of the late Andrew Sachs. Sachs, best known for his role as hapless Spanish...

Doctor Who goes back to Gallifrey after announcing ‘I give up’

The protector of earth with more faces than Big Ben made the announcement on The One Show on Friday. Reflecting on the past 50 year of helping our species, the Peter Capaldi look-a-like said; "I stopped World...
Freddie Mercury and Brian May

Britain First drop ‘We Will Rock You’ theme on learning Freddie Mercury’s Indian heritage

In a documentary about the life and death of Freddie Mercury, which recently aired on the biffer TV network, Channel 5, it was pointed out that the legendary Queen frontman, whose birth name was Farrokh...

Blair to build fantasy superhero based theme park Blair World in central London

Amid all the depressing news at the moment, spirits of Londoners have been lifted by some entertainment news. Tony Blair has announced he will be bank rolling a new fantasy theme park dedicated wholly...

Mike Pence attends Broadway musical by mistake

Vice-President elect Mike Pence was roundly booed after he attended a performance of Broadway musical ‘Hamilton’ entirely by accident.


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