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Magic Circle

Magic Circle Trigger Terror Alert

Amid growing concern and fears for public safety, illusionist extremists The Magic Circle have been deemed a threat to security and democracy. The so-called magicians have publicly recorded many of their barbaric acts including brutally...
Barry Manilow

If Barry Manilow is gay then I’m a Catholic says Pope

Housewives favourite and renowned woman shagger Barry Manilow stunned the world yesterday by finally revealing he's gay.

Manilow ditches piano for oboe

In a shock move American pianist singer songwriter Barry Manilow has announced that he is abandoning the piano in favour of the oboe. Manilow said Thursday that while he enjoyed a good session fingering the...

Victory for disability campaigners as Broccoli family confirm next Bond will be paraplegic

The next James Bond will be played by a paraplegic actor, Eon Productions has announced. Auditions for Daniel Craig’s replacement will begin in the summer and filming of Goldenchair is set to begin early next...

Florence and Dougal quit UK over Brexit fears

In a shock move, Magic Roundabout stars Florence and Dougal have announced they are quitting the UK to move back to their native France amidst fears for their safety after the triggering of article...

Corbyn popularity ratings soar after ZZ Top grant him keys to magic Hot Rod

In what would at first glance appear to be a complete and utter ripoff of an Onion article dating back to 1997, Labour Party Supremo Jeremy Corbyn has seen his popularity rating soaring to...

Hammond to tour UK comedy circuit with budget routine.

After recently testing new his new material in Parliament, Chancellor Philip Hammond has decided to take his own brand of political comedy “on the road.” Having received a great response from Conservative backbenchers during his...

Oscars turmoil as Trump mistakenly awarded prize as “President of La La land”

The 89th annual academy award "Oscars" ceremony was thrown into turmoil when Donald Trump was mistakenly awarded the best actor prize for his role as president of La La Land. "This is very embarrassing, we...

Nuttall Claims Best Actor At Oscars

Armenian born British Actor Constantine Felangi, better known by his stage name of Paul Nuttall, seized the coveted golden statue for Best Actor at the Oscars last night. The award, given for Nuttall's provocative portrayal...

Couldn’t organise a piss up at a brewery now Couldn’t open an envelope at...

People bored with ways of describing the gross ineptitude they see around them on a daily basis in work, in the media, in government and politics have been inspired by Warren Beatty's Oscar winning performance at the...

Morgan/Farage interview to become a movie”The Vaginas Dialogue”

The fascinating story behind Piers Morgan's earth-moving TV interview with seven times unelected former UKIP leader Nigel Farage is to become a major motion picture sources, entitled "The Vaginas Dialogue", Morgan has confirmed. Hollywood production...

Trump Introduces 2020 Presidential Campaign Mascot

President Trump took to the stage in Nuremberg, Florida, on Saturday in front of a crowd seen from space, to unveil his mascot for the 2020 presidential campaign. "He's called Dumpy!" President Trump beamed, as...

Trump appoints Mark E Smith as musical ambassador to Europe. Uh.

US president Donald Trump has sent shockwaves through "tin pan ally" by appointing Fall front man and legendary curmudgeon Mark E Smith as his musical ambassador to Europe. Now in his fifth decade, fronting the...
Boxer hitting punchbag

Paul Nuttall – Why I Won’t Talk About Fight Club

Paul Nuttall O.B.E is reluctant to talk about Fight Club, the global phenomenon he founded in 1996. “Chuck and me, we don't talk about it." He replied when our entertainment correspondent spoke to Paul earlier this week. The...

Mel Brooks quits movies, I’ve been Trumped, he says

Legendary film director Mel Brooks has called it quits with Hollywood after more than fifty years saying he can no longer compete with reality when it comes to conjuring up absurd and bizarre comedy...

JK Rowling dedicates next book Harry Potter and The Dead Girl’s Voicemail to Piers...

JK Rowling has dedicated the next instalment of the global phenomenon Harry Potter to Piers Morgan.

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