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JK Rowling dedicates next book Harry Potter and The Dead Girl’s Voicemail to Piers...

JK Rowling has dedicated the next instalment of the global phenomenon Harry Potter to Piers Morgan.

Paul Nutall announces he’s going to be the next Doctor

Early last week news broke that Peter Capaldi will stepping down from the iconic role after this year's Christmas special. Speculation has been rife as to who will replace Capaldi in the Doctor's next incarnation,...
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Trump TV

Trump Television – Live from the Whitehouse 4.00 pm Wake Up Oceania – or face the consequences. We know who you are and where you live, libtards. With everybody’s favorite President, Donald J Trump. Why...

Trump loses grip on reality, demands to be new Dr Who.

US President Donald Trump has called on the BBC to appoint him as the new Dr Who. In a series of tweets at 3am this morning the famously insomniac  US president announced that he would...

The Smiths to reform for Cameron benefit concert

Legendary 80s Manchester miserablists The Smiths are to reform for a one-off benefit concert for former UK prime minister David Cameron, a spokesperson for the band has confirmed. The concert, which will be the first...

Satire Is Officially Obsolete, Satirists Announce

Satirists have officially announced that satire is no more, it has been confirmed. A spokesman on behalf of satirists, announced, "As of January 31st 2017, satire is dead." Satire has been called obsolete in the past,...

La La Land Eclipses Titanic Record for ‘Most Men Forced to Watch Chick-Flick’

La La Land, the 2016 American romantic musical comedy-drama film starring Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone, has shattered the record of 'Titanic' as the Chick-Flick watched by the most men. The story of a musician...
Clown

Mr Tumble denounces Theresa May and says not in our name.

Leading clowns have issued a joint statement confirming that Theresa May's latest attacks on migrants and the NHS are not part of traditional clown teaching. The statement went on to point out that, although she...
Michael Flatley

Michael Flatley confirmed as world’s second biggest wanker

Rhino horn collector and jig enthusiast Michael Flatley confirmed today that he is the World's second biggest wanker after announcing he will perform a jig at Trump's Inauguration Ball.

Self-proclaimed ‘bestest dealmaker’ fails to do deal with Bruce Springsteen cover band

Idiots across America who voted for Trump because he told them he was really good at doing deals are surprised by the news he hasn't been able to do a deal with a Bruce Springsteen tribute band.

DJ Dave’s 80’s FunHouse Mobile Disco Confirmed for Trump Inauguration

After the high profile withdrawals of many A-List celebrities, and the frankly embarrassing refusal of a string of tribute acts & pub singers, Donald Trump has turned to Dave's 80's Fun House Mobile Disco...

David Brent to sing Equality Street at Trump Inauguration

Following the shock withdrawal of Bruce Springsteen tribute band the B-Street Band from the Trump Inauguration David Brent is thrilled to announce that his band Foregone Conclusion have agreed terms to perform.

Dead Kennedys to perform at Trump inauguration

Hard core punk rockers, Dead Kennedys, have agreed to perform at Donald Trump's inauguration after Susan Boyle was forced to cancel. SuBo was due to perform the Dead Kennedys classic 1981 punk anthem 'Too Drunk...

Hollywood blockbuster may not feature Benedict Cumberbatch

Controversy struck Hollywood today when news broke that a new high budget movie might not feature Bendable Cramplebitch. "2017 is a brand new year," said Hollywood pundit Selina Pastiche, "and it's time that not every...

I’m not homophobic, you’re just a filthy sinner! says singer

It's alright to be a judgey bigoted fuck if it's based on Bronze Age superstition, singer Kim Burrell is insisting.

Susan Boyle to sing Dead Kennedys ‘Too Drunk To F*ck’ at Trump Inauguration

In a last ditch attempt to find a "celebrity" to perform at Trump's Inauguration Scottish songstress and Britain's Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle (aka 'The Hairy Cornflake') has been approached by the president-soon-to-be's office...

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