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Rochdale, UK

If the Irish don’t want Apple’s £11BN tell them we’ll have it – say...

It transpires that North Sea Oil Revenues now contribute £60Million to the Scottish revenue pot, down from almost £13Billion a couple of years ago because you now sell a barrel of North Sea Oil...
Bank of England

Remain Voter Desperately Waiting for Pound to Die

Due to an almost pathological desire to be proven correct, a Remain voter is obsessively checking the sterling exchange rate for signs of terminal illness. "A bad cold is all I see at the moment." The resident...
Poundland

Poundland to rebrand as Two Poundland by March 2017

Exciting news on the High Street as budget retailer Poundland announces a multi-million pound rebranding initiative.
Drone

ISIL in talks with Amazon over drone deliveries deal

An email has surfaced, from an anonymous source claiming to be from within Amazon, which suggests that the international distribution leviathan is in secret talks with a shadowy company over its plans to roll...

Rochdale letting agency wins top award. 

A prestigious national industry award has been won by local letting agents Fyre, Trappe and Hassel.   The British Association of Letting Agencies awarded the firm their much sought after "Services to innovative bastardry" award...

Blockbuster Video returns to Rochdale high street in post EU Britain

There were scenes of creaky jubilation on Rochdale's decaying high street as crowds celebrated the return of retail giant Blockbuster. Rochdale's elderly population had turned out en masse at the voting booths to vote against...

Kinder, with these chocolates you are really not spoiling us

German confectionary giant Kinder has announced plans to remove the toys from 52% of all UK bound Kinder Eggs from the 1st of October 2016. CEO of Kinder Chocolate, Hans Frei, made the shock announcement...

Halcyon Days Here to Stay

  Alexander Boris de Pfeffle Johnson won't even be declared as head of the Tory Party until the needless sham of a leadership election is publicly played out in a futile attempt to convince the...

Boom times ahead for rural pubs as Britain votes to scrap EU farm subsidies

Britain's Country Pubs, for so many years in the doldrums, are preparing for a boom time as Brexit means the end of Common Agricultural Policy subsidies and EU safety laws. Pubs such as The Blackie...

ISIS and UN unite to condemn So-Called Yodel Customer Services for crimes against humanity

ISIS and all the member states of the United Nations have broadly condemned the British parcel delivery firm and courier service Yodel for crimes against humanity.
Knickersw with Trump written on them

Get your hands out of Ivanka’s knickers, White House orders media

  White House press secretary Sean "Ginger" Spicer has issued an ultimatum to the US media in the wake of the growing row over the lingerie line belonging to President Trump's daughter Ivanka. Spicegirl accused the...

Ryanair Website Crashes as 2 Million Brits Book Flights to Ireland Ahead of Brexit

Following reports of a massive rise in applications for Irish passports from England, Scotland and Wales since the UK Referendum on EU membership began, today Ryanair’s UK website crashed under a rush of a...

Specsavers Official Sponsors Of WWIII

Specsavers has announced it has signed a two-year deal as official sponsors of the forthcoming World War Three, with effect from mid November. The company beat off stiff competition from other brands keen to associate...

Rochdale Set to Become Major Irony Exporter

The irony mining industry in Rochdale, previously in serious decline, received a massive boost yesterday following the result of the US Presidential elections. Irony is a rarity in the USA and is almost non-existent in...

Hospital P.O.S. system hailed a success

A new high tech electronic point-of-sale system developed by a Rochdale company has been described as 'an outstanding success' by managers and staff at Hillingdon Hospital in Middlesex. SVD Systems completed installation of the...

Banks Punish Entrepreneurs For Brexit

Our Finance and Business correspondent, Scott Zsalt, was livid today after failing to get support from a major bank due to the fallout from the UK’s decision to exit the EU. “I was bleeding furious...

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