You’re more likely to find nice top at car boot sale wearing blindfold than at TK Maxx, scientists prove

Scientists from the world famous Maxx Plank Institute of Jumble Sales in Rochdale have confirmed that it is easier to find a nice top at a car boot sale with your eyes shut than in a TK Maxx superstore.

“We conducted a series of experiments in which we sent literally some shoppers into TK Maxx shops around the country and asked them to pick out clothes they liked that fit.”

“During more than 40,000 hours of browsing not one of our human shaped lab technicians found a single item of passable clothing.”

“Unless you want a pair of yellow Guess Jeans and a purple diamanté faux leather crop top of course.”

The same shoppers were then sent blindfolded into the provinces on Sunday mornings for two years, mostly to car boot sales at Racecourses though one researcher rummaged in bins behind a chip shop in Darlington.

“It turns out that you’re more likely to find something that fits if you close your eyes and dig around in a skip or the boot of a stranger’s car than at TK Maxx.”

“We were surprised too because it looks like there’s loads of clothes in a TK Maxx. Unless you’re a freaky size, like a women’s size 8 to 10 or you are a bloke with freakishly good body mass index and a 32 inch waist you are out of luck.”

“I mean who has a 32 inch waist?”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.