Britain’s first halal food bank to open in Rochdale

News that the UK's first halal food bank is to open in Rochdale this week was greeted enthusiastically by local residents and village elders...

Europol warns of New Wave jihadis

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Jihadis are entering the country on false passports according to Europol, heralding a New Wave.  Since the uproar regarding burkhinis on the beautiful beaches of...

Britain First Supporters admit it’s a waste of time trying to change their opinions

Die hard Britain First members have today confirmed that there is absolutely no point in trying to get them to change their opinions by...

Farron leaving politics to watch VHS of “Brokeback Mountain” in mountains with friend

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Tim Farron, Leader of the Liberal Democrats is set to resign his position after an embarrassing swing in his constituency, that saw him slimmly...

4,000 job cuts at HSBC after Columbian drug cartels move accounts to Barclays

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HSBC has told investors today that around 2% of the company's workforce will be made redundant with the focus on anybody who hasn't got...

Flying Arse Crashes Nose First

The longest aircraft in the world- the Airlander 10, nicknamed the flying bum- has crash landed in a field in Bedfordshire on it's second...
David Davis

David Davis tells Select Committee the dog ate his Brexit Impact Assessment

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David Davis, the Secretary for Probably Exiting the European Union, has confirmed to the House of Lords Select Committee that he has definitely done...
White Supremes

Cabinet to wear face masks during Cobra meeting as precaution against Coronavirus

The prime minister and senior members of the cabinet are to wear full face masks during today's Cobra meeting to decide whether to bring...

Vegetable that looks like Prince Charles discovered on Rochdale allotment

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A Rochdale man has spoken to us about vegetable he has found that looks remarkably like Prince Charles.  Bill Board told us, "It was last...

Trump to produce new range of fragrances

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Donald Trump is to collaborate with daughter Ivanka to produce a new range of perfumes. The first daughter said "This new range reflects...

Gavin Williamson declares war on schools

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Former Defence Secretary, Gavin Williamson has declared war on schools mere hours after being appointed Education Secretary. His secret plan, which he immediately leaked, is...

Panic grips nation as Britain realises Boris is in charge

Supermarkets across the land are fast running out of canned goods and bottled water and survivalist websites across the world are crashing as thousands...

Young people cause cancer Daily Mail warns

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The Daily Mail has exclusively revealed that British youth is causing cancer. In its article on the subject the Mail pointed out that British youths...
Scientists

‘How many roads must a man walk down before he can call himself a...

Researchers have proved that the number of roads a man must walk down before you call him a man is greater than, or equal...
Scientist

Scientists warn firing Formula 1 grid girls will lead to increase in race related...

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Science - In a leaked Sport England research paper, several sports scientists have warned over the removal of the usual checks and balances deployed...

Young children advised to wash hands after licking floors, walls, windows, banister rails and...

Young children around the UK have been advised that the best way to stop the spread of Coronavirus is by thoroughly washing their hands...

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