Boris Johnson

Oven ready chicken refuses to leave fridge

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Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than 'that Turkey Corbyn', the world's largest chicken has refused to leave a...

Specialists called in after Yorkshireman with Aussie flu says “G’day mate”

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A Yorkshire man has been rushed to hospital after it was suspected he had the most serious strain of the Aussie flu virus known...
Sadiq Khan

Sadiq Khan cracks down on junk food ads as thinner children harder to stab

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Mayor plans to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London. Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, today announced a plan to ban junk food adverts...

Facebook Users Don’t Twist Tragedy Into Confirmation of Their Worldview

A man and a woman managed to see news stories shared on Facebook today without thinking it proved what they already believe.  Duncan Merchant from Rochdale,...

Rupert Murdoch’s face breaks ageing app

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Media tycoon and ancient demonic scrotum, Rupert Murdoch has broken viral photo editor FaceApp, attempting to see what his face would look like in...

It’s impossible to sandpaper a netball, concede Australians

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Long standing dominance of sport by Australia and New Zealand ended by incredible English performance Some say Australian carpentry skill brings them closer to Christ....

Beards still cool, insists man with beard

As far as flash in the pan fashion trends go the 2015-2016 beard pandemic appears to be showing no sign of relenting with sales...
McDonald's

Mcdonalds to stop giving away assault rifles in Happy Meals in some US states

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Four states in America have stopped giving away free assault rifles with every Happy Meal deal as a direct response to KFC banning knives...

Tommy Robinson fisted by pensioner in prison shower

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IReports from Belmarsh are that Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, the tiny provocateur with the Timmy Mallet inspired pseudonym has been fisted.  One fist from a pensioner...
Finger painting

Greater Manchester Road Planning Department forced to resit Key Stage One after failing finger...

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Following recent criticism of the Greater Manchester Road Network, Manchester City Council conducted an audit of the qualifications of the staff employed in the...
Freddie Mercury and Brian May

Revelation as Mercury rises for blue plaque

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Freddie Mercury, lead singer of rock sensations Queen, has been commemorated with a blue plaque at his former family home in Feltham.  However, in a...
Viagra

Sale of over-counter Viagra faces stiff opposition

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The Women's Institute are lobbying  the Health Secretary demanding that Viagra only be available through prescription and after consultation with a Doctor. Recent changes bought...

Britain First Supporters admit it’s a waste of time trying to change their opinions

Die hard Britain First members have today confirmed that there is absolutely no point in trying to get them to change their opinions by...

A1 to Durham renamed The Dominic Cummings Expressway

The A1(M) between Aberford and Durham has been officially redesignated the Dominic Cummings Expressway in recognition of its primary purpose of conveying the 'Special'...
Ann Widdecombe

Anne Widdecombe symbolically frees her slave

Following her first speech in the European Parliament, we have avoided the term 'maiden speech' as all her speeches are maiden, Anne Widdecombe has...
Brexit Bus

Increased racism was on the other bus say Brexiteers

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Brexiteers have been quick to point out that a post-Brexit vote increase in racism was on the other bus. Government clown Boris Johnson said, "This...

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