Theresa May says alcohol and poor judgement to blame for Trump state visit
Theresa May has been responding to calls to cancel the Trump state visit during a press conference today.
Responding to criticism that the invitation for...
Boris Johnson looks like a c*nt, say letterboxes
Letterboxes around the UK have stood by their remarks about the Boris Johnson after the Post Office chairman asked them to apologise.
There is broad...
Tories to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals
The Tory Party has today promised to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals.
Tory manifesto spokesman, Bill Board told us, "We've done our research...
Who needs firemen anyway asks DUP clad Tory government
There was anger in parliament last night as the government narrowly defeated a motion by the Labour Party to end the cap on public...
Conservatives pledge ‘free pots’ for poor to piss in
In the latest Tory manifesto promise benefit claimants and people earning less than minimum wage are to be sent a free chamber pot.
Current Work and...
I married him for rugged good looks and winning personality claims Melania Trump
Melania Trump has gone on the record to tell the world that she married Donald Trump not for his money but his rugged good looks, winning personality and his open minded views on immigration.
“I did not have fap relations with my work computer” says Damien Green
The beleaguered Secretary of State is still denying accusations of downloading and viewing porn like a teen with two dicks on his office computer...
Dead mice brought in by cats to be declared part of household income in...
Cat-owners are now being asked to count any rodents or birds left on their doorstep as declarable earnings in their application for means-tested benefits,...
Unemployment figures fiddlers hit all time low
The government is celebrating today as the figures released by the ONS show that unemployment as at its lowest since 1975 or something.
“It’s a...
A Christmas Carol reimagined by new Ministry of Truth to promote thrift
The iconic Christmas tale has been edited by the new government department to 'instill a sense of fiscal caution' in the nation's youth.
The new...
Smith Reveals Bears have secret plan.
In a speech today Labour leadership candidate Owen Smith has revealed that bears have secret plans to defecate in the woods.
In a hustings earlier...
Only two prime ministers till Christmas
Children around the UK were feeling giddy this morning after learning that it's now officially on two prime ministers until Christmas morning.
"I can almost...
Reading the Daily Mail causes cancer of the soul
Following sickening reports of yet another moron mowing down innocent pedestrians, the Daily Mail has excelled itself by implying that the victims were to...
Jacob Rees-Mogg named as Minister of Silly Walks
Jacob Rees-Mogg, famous for transforming the lives of the people of North-East Sunwontset, has been appointed Minister of Silly Walks.
It's believed Theresa May made...
Donald Trump ends democracy in America
I’ve decided Ivanka will come after me. I mean, she’s hot, and she has my gift with politics, so she’s the perfect choice
Obama quietly pleased his G20 riots were bigger than Trump’s
President Barack Obama, who was born in America, is said to be privately pleased the riots at G20 summits he attended were bigger than...
