Wetherspoons

Brexiteers to die of cirrhosis 20% sooner thanks to Wetherspoons

0
Price cuts on just before date-expired cask ale and fizzy lager mean that Wetherspoons customers will be able to drink themselves to death more...

Corbyn says we’re going to build a wall and Sturgeon is keen to pay...

0
Communist rabble-rouser and socialist firebrand, Jeremy Corbyn, today announced the central plank of his party's manifesto pledge will be to build a wall between England...
Theresa May

Theresa May breaks fingernail as her grip on power weakens

14
Government manicurists today rushed to Theresa May's aid following a nail injury, frantically claiming it was merely "chipped varnish". As finger after taloned finger...

KKK David Duke polling better with black voters than Donald Trump

0
In news that feels like it should be satire but is in fact oddly true, Dr David Duke, the Grand Wizard of The Ku...
Crying Man

Irony pronounced dead after UKIP spokesman warns Corbyn Government would ‘take Britain back to...

12
Experts have announced that irony is dead. The announcement came after a UKIP MEP said that Britain would be plunged back to the early...

Remainers lead campaign to remove warning labels from household chemicals and rerun Brexit referendum

0
It's been revealed that remainers are leading a campaign to remove warning labels from household chemicals. It's believed that this is part of their...

Britons happy counting down the days till they lose freedom of movement

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Everyone in Britain awoke this morning overjoyed to know they are one more day closer to losing their freedom of movement across Europe and...
Denis Skinner

Labour Conference to go ahead as Dennis Skinner with baseball bat confirmed as security

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The Labour Party have announced that their conference will go ahead despite G4S laughing in their faces when begged to supply security. "We are sorry...

Watson Denies Corbyn Car Crash Rumours

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Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, Tom Watson, has denied rumours that recent focus groups conducted by the party to determine popularity of alternative leaders involved simulated car accidents in which Jeremy Corbyn was involved in hit and run incidents.

Brutus advises senators to get behind Caesar

19
Marcus Brutus has urged the Roman senate to show support for their leader Julius Caesar. Addressing the press at a conference outside the Senate, he...
Nice Nurse Senior Patient

Medical advances mean some students might survive long enough to pay back debts PM...

5
The woman pretending to be British Prime Minister is expected to increase her appeal to the younger demographics today. She will do it by...
Houses of Parliament

New dress code requires MPs to wear oven gloves in Parliament at all times

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The UK Parliament's Committee on Standards has announced plans to require all male MPs to wear oven gloves whenever they attend the building. The Committee...
Nuttall

UKIP Conspiracy theorists claim Paul Nuttall is being erased from history

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UKIP leader, Paul Nuttall PhD, is concerned that he is being erased from history by a shadowy group of leftist and liberal media conspirators.  He recently had to...

I wish it could be Brexit everyday

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When the pounds begins to fall and economic growth begins to stall It puts a great big smile on a remainer’s face If you dive...
football referees

Football referees warned not to go against the will of the people

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Following criticism of High Court Judges 'interfering' in the Brexit process, the Football Association have decided to get rid of football referees. "We don't need...

Corbyn supporters call for reselection of Copeland constituency

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After Labour's marginal win in Stoke and devastating Loss in Copeland by elections, Left wing Labour supporters are calling for reselection of the constituency. Speaking to disappointed...

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