Boris Johnson awards Carillion contract to build bridge to France
Boris Johnson's office has revealed that the Government will award the contract to build a bridge between Britain and France to construction company and...
Now that passports are blue again I might get one, says 50 year old...
A fifty year old racist fuckwit has told The Rochdale Herald that he is over the moon that passports are now going to be...
Picture yourself in their shoes
A picture of Omran Daqneesh, the five year old boy who was pulled from the rubble that used to be his home in Aleppo,...
We didn’t hack Paul Nuttall claims hacker group Anonymous
"We didn't hack Paul Nuttall" claims anarchistic hacker group Anonymous, as they moved to deny claims that it had hacked the UKIP leader and...
Tories fined £20 million for pumping untreated sewage into people’s brains
The Conservatives are facing a hefty fine after it has been discovered that their manifesto pledges and reassurances over Brexit were found to contain...
Badgers vote for cull of Conservative MPs
Radical badgers have declared Dingley Dell an independent sovereign state and have threatened violent action against Conservative MPs in response to the continuing cull.
The...
Brexit Cancelled as Civil Servants Finally Read “Article 50”
All nations attending Treaty discussions are only allocated one car parking space.
UK plans for "Brexit" have hit the buffers after Westminster Civil Servants finally...
Jeremy Corbyn insists he’ll remain Labour leader even after death
Serial metaphorical and actual seat avoider, and leader of a thousand students ineligible to vote, Jeremy Corbyn, has announced that nothing will stop him ruining the...
I’m nothing like Steve Bannon – says Darth Vader
Darth Vader took to Twitter today to distance himself from "that evil bastard" Steve Bannon after Bannon compared himself to Darth Vader, Thomas Cromwell, Dick Cheney and Satan.
Lib Dems form armed wing in desperate bid to remain relevant
The Liberal Democrats have announced the creation of an ‘armed wing’ in what commentators are interpreting as a last ditch attempt to have some...
Treasury seek OAP to sit in baked beans to fund Social Services
In a surprise press release, the Treasury have today revealed a novel initiative to bolster funding for cash-starved Social Services.
In the statement, Chancellor of...
Chinese restaurant closes after filling fortune cookies with prime minister’s slogans
A Rochdale Chinese restaurant that served bespoke fortune cookies holding the prime minister’s slogans has abruptly closed.
The owner of the restaurant, 72 year old...
Davis defends sub Euro pound
Minister for Brexiteers, David Davis, has reported that people only getting 90 cents to the Pound is proof that everything is going well...
Farage to appeal to younger voters by calling them all wankers
Nigel Farage has unveiled his latest plans to broaden UKIP's appeal amongst young voters. Phase one will see Farage travel round the country calling...
Brex appeal May takes article 50 to Supreme Court
The government took its case, that it doesn't need to seek permission from a democratic parliament to trigger a process which will alter the...
Lessons not learned for out of touch May as she fails to show up...
Critics have jumped on to Theresa May claiming that she is out of touch and still has not learned the lessons of the recent...
