A British diplomat who began reading the Maastricht Treaty on the 6th February 1992 “just in case” finished the entire manuscript on Sunday Evening.

“I thought somebody ought to give it a once over before we signed it just in case we decide we ever want to leave the European Union.” Senior Diplomat Peter Bread told The Rochdale Herald. “It’s a bit dull, really long and a complete Bugger’s Muddle but I’ve worked out that we’d have to have to trigger Article 127 of a completely different treaty.”

Mr Bread who has been at his desk reading the hard copies of the Lisbon and Maastricht Treaties for 24 years apparently missed the EU Referendum during a boredom induced coma that lasted almost 12 months.

“Article 50? What do they think that’ll do? Anyhow we signed a separate treaty which committed us to something called the European Economic Area. Leaving the EU won’t get us out of that, we’d have to have a referendum on it. As I said, it’s a Bugger’s Muddle.”

Theresa May is currently hiding under her bed.

“It turns out it’s easier to leave the Mafia, though you usually have to be dead to do that.”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.