Government announces all heroes to be paid in rounds of applause
Government announces all heroes to be paid in rounds of applause. The first decisive vote in the new session of parliament was passed yesterday...
Trump and Putin fail to beat each other in two hour long rock, paper,...
Presidents Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin met face to face for the first time in public yesterday and went for each other in a...
UKIP launch party leader toy doll (with interchangeable head)
The almost defunct and already totally irrelevant United Kingdom Independence Party, known better as UKIP, have today announced that they are to launch a...
Dead mice brought in by cats to be declared part of household income in...
Cat-owners are now being asked to count any rodents or birds left on their doorstep as declarable earnings in their application for means-tested benefits,...
Department Responsible For Brexit Does A Flit
Following heavy criticism for having achieved sweet Fanny Adams in the numerous months since its creation, workers at the Department for Exiting the European...
Burger King announce 126oz Presidential Milkshake for Trump visit
Popular scarfing establishment Burger King has announced a new super-sized 126 ounce milkshake, to be released on Jun 2nd in time for the visit...
UKIP pledge to bring back 70’s style pubic hair
UKIP have pledged to restore pubic hair to levels not seen since the 1970's, in a move they hope will secure the allegiance of...
Michael Gove “more slippery than Teflon”
Independent research at the Technical University of Rochdale has found that Michael Gove is more slippery than Teflon - and that a patent has...
Oven ready chicken refuses to leave fridge
Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than 'that Turkey Corbyn', the world's largest chicken has refused to leave a...
Homes burning down better than house prices going down say Kensington Council
Kensington Council and owners of luxury apartments in the borough are distraught following the tragic fire at the Grenfell Tower Block last week.
The council's...
New cold war looms as Trump aspires to make American prostitutes better than Russian...
Concern that America is falling behind Russia in the pay-for-sex industry was allayed last night after President Donald J Trump announced a new ‘hooker...
What’s wrong with asking your secretary to buy you a dildo, asks complete dildo
The king of Dildos and soon to be former International Trade Minister Mark Garnier is to investigated over a potential breach of the ministerial code after he admitted to asking a former parliamentary aide to buy him a dildo
What’s Sinister about asking academics to wear armbands to identify themselves? Asks Conservative MP
A conservative MP and government whip has written to all of the universities in the UK demanding that all the academics and experts in...
Unemployment figures fiddlers hit all time low
The government is celebrating today as the figures released by the ONS show that unemployment as at its lowest since 1975 or something.
“It’s a...
Putin’s money was just resting in my account Trump tells James Comey
Donald Trump has dismissed as fake news any suggestion that money that has appeared in his account is anything to do with collusion with...
Woman alleges Corbyn hasn’t paid her for pram PR stunt yet
Ms Mia Faberge has alleged Jeremy Corbyn is yet to pay her for the PR stunt wherein she lent him her sister’s baby in...
