Government announces all heroes to be paid in rounds of applause
Government announces all heroes to be paid in rounds of applause. The first decisive vote in the new session of parliament was passed yesterday...
Woman always repeating “no meal is better than a bad meal” went hungry last...
A woman who keeps saying “no meal is better than a bad meal” to the people she’s supposed to have dinner with went hungry...
Passports to be made in France as British firm De La Rue ruled out...
Home Office confirms Franco-Dutch firm Gemalto will make Bleu passports.
Controversy struck the UK this week after a mix up at the Home Office led...
Donald Trump declares Buckingham Palace ‘shit hole’ and offers to pay for repairs.
After a petition to stop the orange Hitler visiting the Queen passed 1.7 million signatures, the tyrannical dictator offered to meet the new President...
Hunt solves NHS waiting list crisis with introduction of geological clock
Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has solved the problem of NHS waiting times by making hospitals use the geological clock.
After coming under increasing pressure from...
Brexit means famine, disease and war confirms Theresa May
A rowdy press conference found our embattled Prime Monster under pressure once again. Finally revealing the true meaning of Brexit as famine, disease and war,...
CPS To Charge Corbyn With Electoral Fraud
Jeremy Corbyn is to be charged with electoral fraud by the CPS following reports that, although clearly unelectable, he has been winning elections since...
Meme Jihadis Trump Clinton
Pepe the frog has admitted today that he was behind the success of Donald Trump in the recent US presidential elections.
"Presidential? Fix-a-dential more like!...
We’re all going to die after Brexit, confirms Philip Hammond
Remain voters around the country are said to be absolutely furious to learn that every single person who voted to remain in the European...
Record Turnout for Britain First in Rochdale for The Zestra Three
Chaotic scenes in Rochdale today as tens of thousands of Britain First supporters and other moderate right wing organisations including Pegida, the EDL and...
Satan refuses cabinet position in reshuffle
In a surprising turn of events Satan has declined an offer to join Theresa May's new cabinet saying it would be "damaging" to his reputation.
Actor playing Donald Trump forgets stage directions
Due to White House budget cuts, an experienced but cheap actor was selected for the part. Bit part "character actor" Rowle Player is best...
Dianne Abbott’s ex-husband confirms she often gets headaches
Dianne Abbott's ex-husband has put to bed rumours that Dianne was merely pulling a sicky to avoid casting her vote for Article 50 by...
Gove is still bonkers, say experts
Michael Gove decided to stand up for those whose lack of self awareness is pathological today.
Nigel Farage to become the fourth Mrs. Donald Trump
The ‘Special Relationship’ between the United States and Britain is likely to get a lot stronger thanks to the efforts of Nigel Farage. He is to become the fourth Mrs. Donald Trump.
Britain To Close Controversial Island Refugee Centre
Britain's oldest island refugee centre, Australia, is to be closed following reports of inhumane conditions and bonkers management.
The centre, set up in 1770, has...
