Trump Press Secretary buys fireproof underpants

1
The secret of Press Secretary Sean Spicer's propensity for hyperbolic bullshitacity has been revealed.  He has reportedly been wearing a revolutionary new type of asbestos...
TRUMP POLE DANCERS

Trump hails Polish culture saying “Pole dancers are the best, I’m a huge fan,...

9
US President Donald Trump Thursday attempted to cement US-Polish relations in a speech delivered in the Polish capital Warsaw on the first day of...

Prominent woman to feature on new £2 banknote nicknamed ‘Lost and found’ worth one...

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The Bank of England announced this morning that Prime Minister Theresa May will feature on a new two pound banknote timed for release in...
Man with shocked face

Trump appoints David Duke to head Black Lives Don’t Matter initiative

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Dr David Duke, former Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan, Senate hopeful and all American Nazi Screwball, has accepted President Elect Donald Trump’s offer of a key advisory role in his new government.

Theresa May says alcohol and poor judgement to blame for Trump state visit

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Theresa May has been responding to calls to cancel the Trump state visit during a press conference today. Responding to criticism that the invitation for...
Theresa May

It’s bloody difficult being a bloody difficult woman, says bloody difficult woman.

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On Thursday night, Theresa May was stood up by her strong mandate and had to make her lonely way home alone. "Being Prime Minister...
Applause Clapping

Government announces all heroes to be paid in rounds of applause

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Government announces all heroes to be paid in rounds of applause. The first decisive vote in the new session of parliament was passed yesterday...

Grant Shapps hires ferry fleet to transport people back to offices

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Transport secretary Grant Shapps is so convinced that going back to work in offices is safe, that he has hired a fleet of ferries...
Titanic

Nicky Morgan claims ‘Titanic captain should not be judged by his worst mistakes’

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Nicky Morgan yesterday made a conciliatory reference to fellow Tory leadership no-hoper Michael Gove's penchant for Charlie as a naive young 31 year old...

CPS To Charge Corbyn With Electoral Fraud

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Jeremy Corbyn is to be charged with electoral fraud by the CPS following reports that, although clearly unelectable, he has been winning elections since...

Gun sales rise 300% ahead of Trump Inauguration

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American gun sales have enjoyed a steep rise in the days leading up to the President elect's inauguration. "It's almost 200% more than when Bush...

Theresa May to open new Ministry of Silly Bans

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Prime Minister Theresa May has announced a new Ministry of Silly Bans, to be set up immediately. The job of the new department will be to...
NewsThump

Rochdale IT Worker Deletes Human Rights Act

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Albert Fudge, a Rochdale based web designer employed by the Conservative Party- has accidentally deleted the European Human Rights Act. The tech boffin was asked...

Diane Abbott suspended from Labour Party for calling Tory Front Bench ‘crackers’

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Labour Shadow Home Secretary, Diane Abbott, has been suspended from the party after it emerged she was accused of using a racist slur during...

Trudeau Promises Canadian Citizens A Wall. ‘U.S. Will Pay’

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Canadian Premier Justin Trudeau reacted to the news of Donald Trump's election as US President by announcing plans for a wall to be built...
Jeremy Corbyn playing golf

Corbyn goes 39 under par beats Kim Jong il’s record

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Jeremy Corbyn has announced his decision to retire from Golf after taking it up yesterday and shooting a record breaking 39 under par at...

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