Politics

John McDonnell has branded British capitalist lapdog Sir Richard Branson an "enemy of the People" who "undermines Democracy & the Will of the People" and called for his immediate detention. Mr McDonnell was recently appointed...

Former Auror and famed 'boy who lived' Harry Potter has revolted against JK Rowling, who is his creator, by supporting Jeremy Corbyn only days after she publicly denigrated the plaid and corduroy socialist. "Obviously I...

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has solved the problem of NHS waiting times by making hospitals use the geological clock.  After coming under increasing pressure from everyone to sod off and die, Mr Hunt has today...

Nigel Farage is either blind to numbers or being a massive hypocrite, according to Professor Brian Cox, the eminent almost-Rochdale scientist.  "Farage has spent months whining on about how political and judicial frameworks must not...

News broke earlier today that Labour leader and bewildered Billy goat, Jeremy Corbyn, would not be participating in the upcoming televised debates ahead of the General Election in June. Theresa May was the first leader to abstain,...

The new head of the National Grid, Nicola Shaw,  has today encouraged consumers to opt for "smart energy" devices which will enable her to keep her job at times of peak energy usage.  With spare...

The UK Government has taken time off from failing the victims of institutional child abuse and covering the tracks of high profile paedophiles to tell people what kind of pornography they're allowed to watch.

Foreign Office officials have confirmed that Boris Johnson has finally accepted that the British Empire no longer exists, more than a year after he was first appointed Foreign Secretary. Speaking on condition of anonymity a...

In a shock statement today the 1970's have told 2016 to go back to its own timeline where it belongs.  In July a third of the country decided to flee the oppression of prosperity and...

Mr Braine was the favoured dickhead ahead of his predecessor, Gerard Batten, who resigned after Dicks for Brains' poor performance in the European elections in May. The chairman of the party's West London branch, he...

In a miraculous change of heart Rochdale Online has decided to give the suspended MP Simon Danczuk a break. Editor Sandra Simonhater said "He did nowt wrong today" instead opting to report on Rochdale...

The Giant Fish Finger and Lord Buckethead have been asked by the Queen to prepare to govern Britain. A spokesman for the Palace explained it was because you could prove their existence, unlike the fanciful...

Poppy Enforcement Directive Officers (PEDO's) are to begin patrolling the UK's streets from next week, the Government has announced. The officers, obese men dressed in black with ruddy complexions who only speak in capital letters...

The worlds of entertainment and politics appear to have combined this morning with the speculation that pop superstar Miley Cyrus is expected to sue professional mop head Boris Johnson over his unauthorised cover of...

The government has been accused of the suppression of voters' rights after plans to introduce compulsory checks of a family coat of arms for voters were leaked. Reports that the Queen's speech contains proposals to...

In a last ditch attempt to find a "celebrity" to perform at Trump's Inauguration Scottish songstress and Britain's Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle (aka 'The Hairy Cornflake') has been approached by the president-soon-to-be's office...