Rishi Sunak to announce 80% wages to be replaced by a free bike
The Chancellor of the Exchequer is set to announce that the job retention scheme, which sees those workers furloughed by their employer receive 80%...
Terrorists rejoice at lower energy bills as Jihadis unplug TVs
Terrorists worldwide are saving money on their energy bills as millions of Jihadis unplug their Samsung smart TVs from mains sockets.
The move comes after...
Right wing extremist appears on Good Morning Britain to interview Tommy Robinson
Good Morning Britain producers made the controversial choice today of asking a divisive, opinionated, loud mouth to appear on their show. Piers Morgan was...
We’re all going to die after Brexit, confirms Philip Hammond
Remain voters around the country are said to be absolutely furious to learn that every single person who voted to remain in the European...
Millenials believe Stalin killed more people than Blair
A recent survey of little shits proved that they know absolutely nothing about history, even though you can't prize Google from their tiny ungrateful...
Nigel Farage in eleventh hour bid for International Twat of the Year Award
Nigel Farage has made an eleventh hour bid to snatch the "International Twat of the Year Award" from Donald Trump.
Chances of Patel having job by Christmas looking Priti grim
Theresa May's office has commented on the departure from the usual policy of ministers confining themselves to work on behalf of the country, and...
Media blackout of J***** C***** continues
All national media outlets are continuing with their agreement to stop any reporting of a certain well known political leader this week, who we...
Communists Confused by Billy No Mates
The Far left have found themselves even more confused than normal today after revelations from losing Labour leadership candidate Owen Smith.
The Leninist/Trotskyist group of...
Trump says he didn’t sexually assault 3.52 billion other women
Bewigged bouffant buffoon, Donald J. Trump, an actual potential president, made the claim at his latest rally.
The tiny handed eater of souls came under...
Only 23 days to save historic Christmas Deal, warn turkeys
Turkeys have declared that today there are only 23 days to save their historic Christmas deal.
They have warned that is vitally important that the...
Iain Duncan Smith ‘devastated’ he may have to wait six weeks for knighthood
Iain Duncan Smith, MP for Chingford and Woodford Green, says strict investiture rules mean he could be forced to wait as long as six...
Nigel Farage launches leadership challenge
Less then 24 hours after fewer than half of UKIP members voted for part time Ronnie Wood lookalike Diane James to be their new...
Every Brit to get UKIP voting Mother In Law before Brexit
In a move designed to strengthen the government's hand before Brexit negotiations begin in earnest, every British family is to be assigned a UKIP...
‘Shit dont stick to this, fam’ says Boris Johnson
Non-stick coating manufacturer Teflon has today announced a lucrative tie in with Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson.
The company is believed to have lined up an...
Nigel Farage to become the fourth Mrs. Donald Trump
The ‘Special Relationship’ between the United States and Britain is likely to get a lot stronger thanks to the efforts of Nigel Farage. He is to become the fourth Mrs. Donald Trump.
