High Court

Stop proroguing, tidy your room, and wash that sock, rule UK’s few remaining grown...

0
After spending several weeks in his room, claiming to be "revising" legislation, the PM has finally been told to put his Johnson down.  "Stop...
Cross Party Parliamentary Reshuffle

Parliament summoned for cross party reshuffle

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An emergency cross party parliamentary meeting has been organised for 1:00pm today to try and resolve our broken political system. With the Tories fighting each...
Pensioners

52% support euthanasia bill

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The Government has been urged to hold a referendum on euthanasia following research that showed that 52% of voters would support the introduction of...
Boris Johnson

‘Shit dont stick to this, fam’ says Boris Johnson

0
Non-stick coating manufacturer Teflon has today announced a lucrative tie in with Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson. The company is believed to have lined up an...

‘One is married to Philip’ Queen reminds Public who think Trump too racist for...

6
Over 1.8 million Britons have signed a petition to deny a State Visit to nylon-haired snake-oil salesman and part-time President, Donald Trump.  The petition insists...
Viagra

WTO confirms nations can trade with U.K. on a ‘pity fuck’ basis.

0
The WTO has confirmed that in the case of a no deal Brexit, member nations will be free to trade with the U.K. as...

No Brexit is better than a bad Brexit says David Davis

10
After boldly caving in to the EU negotiators on day one of talks the Brexit minister, David Davis, was in a bullish mood.  “We have...

Ringmaster May’s Brexit circus will tour till 2021 unless David Davis gets eaten

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It was announced last Friday that Ringmaster may’s Brexit circus will attempt to extend its world record breaking tour of Europe until 2021 unless...

Labour confirms 2018 party conference will be held in Mecca

54
The Labour Party has denied accusations of ‘Muslim appeasement’ at its annual conference in Brighton, after several eagle-eyed observers noticed that its conference banner...

Private rail company owner and Blairite totally unbiased about Traingate

1
Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson said today that claims that he has it in for rail nationalisation enthusiast Jeremy Corbyn are unfounded. The gazillionaire, famous...
Average Joe

I have no idea what’s going on, says Will of the People

0
The infamous Will of the People has finally been outed by Rochdale Herald researchers. His real name is Will Fallfrit, and he has opened...

Happy Christmas to our Sovereign Parliament and readers

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On behalf of the Daily Mail, we would like to wish all our readers a very Happy Christmas. Or if they don't celebrate Christmas,...
Science Class

DUP pushes to rename school classes in ‘Science’ as ‘Magic’

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There has been a legion of support for the move though, as it would spark pupil’s interest in the subject of science again.
Angry Man Shouting

Britain declares national state of Armagammon

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An emergency committee has confirmed that Britain faces an unprecedented state of 'Armagammon' today. One insider told us, "This is the highest state we could be...

Brexit a Fucking Shambles, Says John Major

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Former Prime Minister and voice of reason John Major has confirmed in a speech that the ongoing government brexit negotiations are a fucking shambles. Major,...

Liberal Democrats now so wet they’re considered homeopathic

0
A stink has been kicking up this week after the British Homeopathic Association were forced to distance themselves from the Liberal Democrats after a northern fake newspaper editor claimed The Lib Dems were less effective than homeopathy.

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