Brutus advises senators to get behind Caesar

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Marcus Brutus has urged the Roman senate to show support for their leader Julius Caesar. Addressing the press at a conference outside the Senate, he...

James Bond producers buzzing about Putin’s Cold War reboot

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The producers of the James Bond movie franchise are said to be absolutely over the moon about Vladimir Putin's recent decision to reboot the Cold War.

Batman and Robin demand exemption from UKIP Burqa ban

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International fictional crime fighting duo Batman and Robin Tuesday issued a writ demanding exemption from UKIP's planned blanket ban on burqas which the party...
Michael Gove

Gove calls for post-Brexit legalisation of cannibalism

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Former Tory minister and leading Brexit campaigner Michael Gove has called on the government to slash EU regulations on cannibalism which he claims have...
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn crowned 2016 House of Commons Hide and Seek Champion

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Jeremy Corbyn has won this year's Parliamentary Hide and Seek championship, after only emerging after everyone had stopped looking. “You’ve got to give the Morning...
Wetherspoons

Brexiteers to die of cirrhosis 20% sooner thanks to Wetherspoons

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Price cuts on just before date-expired cask ale and fizzy lager mean that Wetherspoons customers will be able to drink themselves to death more...

Pro Brexit MP’s walk out of Brexit meeting rather than face reality

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Several Brexit-supporting MPs walked out of a meeting on Brexit today when a report proved to be too gloomy. “I was expecting the report to...

Nigel Farage launches the Nigel Farage Party

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Speaking in Chesterton Park, near Stoke yesterday, Nigel Farage announced that he has “reluctantly” returned to front-line politics by launching the Nigel Farage Party. “I...
Theresa May

Theresa May breaks fingernail as her grip on power weakens

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Government manicurists today rushed to Theresa May's aid following a nail injury, frantically claiming it was merely "chipped varnish". As finger after taloned finger...

Nobody fancies Simon Danczuk – Rochdale Herald Poll reveals

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In a shocking twist in the "Simon Danczuk pulled a 22 year old" scandal The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal that is was all...

UKIP Conference cancelled due to Tory success

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The annual gathering of UKIP, scheduled for 16th September, will now not go ahead reports say. "We have been watching the racism and general xenophobia...

Surprise and anger as Boris slips down the ‘worst diplomat ever chart’

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There was consternation in Whitehall this morning as details emerged of several international diplomats who may in fact be much, much worse than Boris...

Rochdale UKIP councillor demands best of three for  Re-Referendum

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Following the announcement that Labour leadership challenger Owen Smith has promised to hold a second referendum on Brexit if he topples Jeremy Corbyn in the upcoming...
Mark Garnier

What’s wrong with asking your secretary to buy you a dildo, asks complete dildo

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The king of Dildos and soon to be former International Trade Minister Mark Garnier is to investigated over a potential breach of the ministerial code after he admitted to asking a former parliamentary aide to buy him a dildo

Branson to be Stripped of Knighthood & Awarded “The Icepick of the People” in...

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John McDonnell has branded British capitalist lapdog Sir Richard Branson an "enemy of the People" who "undermines Democracy & the Will of the People"...
Theresa May

Fuck it what’s the worst that can happen Theresa May tells journalists

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Theresa May has dramatically announced the date for triggering Article 50 with a press conference today. Before pressing the big red button that triggers...

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