Following her bizarre statement in which she decried the Brexit deal as leaving the U.K. with no MEPs and no representation on the EU Parliament, Mid Bedfordshire acted quicker than a dodgy sausage at Toddington Services to expel Ms Dorries from their system.

Local Conservative constituency party chairman, Ken Flitwick said “We have today deselected Nadine Dorries as MP and replaced her with a plate of nice warm, steaming, delicious mince.”

The plate of mince told the Herald “I’m looking forward to the challenge of dumbing down far enough to be a Tory MP. Even as a plate of mince, I’m not thick enough to believe we still get MEPs if we leave the EU. It’s obvious to both myself and my mate Bob Shortplanks.”

Ms Dorries commented ‘Eilinora’s bosom heaved as she caught a glimpse of the handsome sergeant in his army uniform and as she caught his eye, she swore she saw a brief glimmer of recognition” but we established she had sent us a brief extract from her latest pervy book rather than an actual comment.