Home Office confirms that new blue UK passports will be HALAL-CERTIFIED

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The Home Office has confirmed that the United Kingdom's post-Brexit passport covers will be halal-certified. The iconic Royal blue cover, which is due to be...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn to lose seat under Tory boundary change plans

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Lord Reginald Foxhunter-Shandy said: "It's the biggest boundary shake up since the last one". The plans unveiled today will see Jeremy Corbyn lose his Islington...
Dictionary entry for word "definition"

Revealed! What ‘Brexit’ means.

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After months of denying that 'Brexit' could be defined in terms of anything other than being 'Brexit', the Government has finally announced what, in...

Only Mandelson Eligible to Vote in Leadership Election after Mass Cull

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In an attempt to make the Labour leadership election more comradely and fairer, the Labour PLP has been trawling through the social media activities...

UKIP Conference cancelled due to Tory success

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The annual gathering of UKIP, scheduled for 16th September, will now not go ahead reports say. "We have been watching the racism and general xenophobia...
Theresa May

Parliament email hack reveals 75% of May’s emails contain phrase “cocking fuck, what fresh...

11
Penetration of the heart of government by dodgy Russian hacker types has allowed innovative research. Statistical analysis of the government's emails has been published today...
Adolf Hitler

Hitler “off his tits on smack” claims book

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A new book about Chaplin-tached proto-Trump, Adolf Hitler, has claimed that he and his fetishist cohorts were totally out of their shiny bonces on...

ISIS Propose Christmas Cease-Fire Kickabout

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ISIS troops fighting around the city of Palmyra have suggested that hostilities be put aside for a few hours at Christmas for an informal game of football with opposing ground forces.
Houses of Parliament

Government announces above-inflation pay rise for vital frontline MPs

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Chancellor Philip Hammond responds to calls to offer above-inflation pay rises to public sector workers in Westminster, after a survey revealed that four out...

We must stick to our principles, says woman not sticking to her principles

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Former Remain campaigner and comedy Prime Minister impersonator Theresa May told the British people that it's really important to stick to your principles shortly...

Britain First unsure what comes Second

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Britain First members were baffled this week when asked the unintentional riddle: “If Britain's first, what’s second?” The question came from Billy Michaels, a seven...
Boris Johnson

Boris overheard telling King Felipe of Spain ‘NO GIVO BACKO, CAPICHE’ whilst pointing at...

27
Boris Johnson has unveiled his diplomatic plan to engage with King Felipe and Queen Letizia over Brexit negotiations at a state meal. Johnson told the...
Confused business people

Conservative MPs unable to point to their constituency on a map

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A recent survey has revealed that a staggering 89% of Tory MPs are unable to findtheir constituency on a map. The survey results, which were...
David Davis

David Davis-Brexit Speech in full

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In a monumentous speech to the House of Commons yesterday, the Brexit Minister David Davis set out the government's plans for taking Britain out...

Momentum Youth Wing nothing like Hitler Youth, insist Momentum

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The new Momentum Youth Wing that has been proposed will be nothing like the Hitler Youth Momentum and Corbyn are insisting. "Well obviously they're nothing...
Denis Skinner

Labour Conference to go ahead as Dennis Skinner with baseball bat confirmed as security

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The Labour Party have announced that their conference will go ahead despite G4S laughing in their faces when begged to supply security. "We are sorry...

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