In this week’s PMQs Jeremy Corbyn, the corduroy communist leader of what’s left of the Labour Party (see what I did there?), asked Theresa May about her unpopular plans to reintroduce the Grammar school system. 

“You went to a grammar school and so did I,” retorted May, “which is why we are where we are today!”

However Mr Corbyn used his next question to say: “Hold on, you deluded, knob haired pillock; your grammar became a bloody comprehensive whilst you were there! You stuck up Hyacinth Bucket clone, you went to a comp! You went to a comp but you want everyone to think you went to a grammar!”

Mrs May tried to stutter some kind of defence but Corbyn went on: “And are you really telling us that it was the grammar system that resulted in your second in geography? And that’s how you got here? Bollocks, Tess! You’re off your head!”

It was at this point that your humble author realised he was fantasising again and actually Jezza had let her get away with it because he’s old and doesn’t look things up on Wikipedia.