“Although I’m a Labour candidate, I’ll throw my support behind UKIP and volunteer to inspect teenage girls vaginas.” Said local full time pornography enthusiast and part-time Member of Parliament for Rochdale, Simon Danczuk.

“It’s a bloody stupid policy but in the event of a UKIP victory, I’d like to get involved. Really involved. Really get my hands dirty if you will. All for the greater good.” He reportedly said, if you count satirists imagining what Danczuk might say to be reporting, whilst crossing his legs and loosening his collar.
When asked what sort of expertise he could offer;

“Well I’m pretty qualified when it comes to teenage vaginas. I have watched a LOT of porn over the years and I like to think I’m something of an expert on the subject.” 

“You should see my search history. I do like the whole teen thing. Strictly 18+ of course, but you’ll know that if you read newspapers or follow me on Twitter.”

The UKIP Manifesto was written entirely by halfwits.