Mary, Mel and Sue to present new slapstick kids tv show ‘The Cackle...

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The trio who recently opted out of any future appearances on Great British Bake Off after its acquisition by Channel 4 announced the news...
Ambulance Katie Hopkins

Katie Hopkins hospitalised after choking on apology to Muslim

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Katie Hopkins was driven slowly to hospital yesterday after choking on the word "sorry" while typing a court ordered apology to the Mahmoud family.

Arsehole dies in Karmic Avalanche

An arsehole died on Saturday in an avalanche of karma whilst trying to piss off and murder a massive angry bull in front of...

Newspaper that regularly features Princess Diana’s ghost denies allegations of fake news

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Staff at the Daily Express have been forced to deny that their publication is a tissue of lies and fake news even though it...

Archbishop Welby kicks shit out of Nigel Farage following Twitter spat

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Archbishop Welby is currently helping police with their enquiries in Westminster after allegedly kerb stomping Nigel Farage.

Thousands injured after Hypocrisy Bomb detonates at Daily Mail Headquarters

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Thousands of Daily Mail employees were left hideously disfigured after an extremist hypocrisy bomb detonated under their lair at Northcliffe House.
iPhone

Rochdale iPhone owner awarded medal after not reminding everybody he has an iPhone for...

Damon McIntyre of Rochdale was awarded a gold medal by his local community this week after managing a whole week without using the phrase...
Magic Circle

Magic Circle Trigger Terror Alert

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Amid growing concern and fears for public safety, illusionist extremists The Magic Circle have been deemed a threat to security and democracy. The so-called magicians...
Ann Widdecombe

Anne Widdecombe symbolically frees her slave

Following her first speech in the European Parliament, we have avoided the term 'maiden speech' as all her speeches are maiden, Anne Widdecombe has...

Katie Hopkins outraged as new IPhone X automatically set to permanently disabled and unable...

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Odious journo-babbler, Katie Hopkins was furious yesterday when she discovered that her new IPhone X was in fact less use than Boris Johnson in...

Man puts bins out

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Reports are emerging that a man in Rochdale has put his bins out. Stephen Dickinson of Fazzakerley Drive has put his green bin out on...
Cyclist in rain

Prize boffin apparently unaware of weather

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The winner of this year's Dyson James Dyson Boffin Admired By Dyson's James Dyson Award, is Isis. No, not the naughty middle eastern twerps, a...

Skeletor still ‘pretty buff’ for a skeleton

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Men's Health Magazine today announced its annual Top Ten Fittest Male Celebs list with actor, recently elected DUP MP and self proclaimed evil overlord Skeletor...

Theresa May pledges to not remain silent on pee in swimming pools

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Prime Minister Theresa May has pledged to not remain silent on the growing problem of pee in swimming pools highlighted in a shock report...
Theresa May

Theresa May breaks fingernail as her grip on power weakens

Government manicurists today rushed to Theresa May's aid following a nail injury, frantically claiming it was merely "chipped varnish". As finger after taloned finger...
Jeremy Corbyn 1980's

Conservative MP apologises for tweet alleging Corbyn was a politician in the 1980’s

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The Conservative MP Ben Bradley has conceded that Jeremy Corbyn did no work as a Politician in the 1980’s and has agreed not to make the allegations again.

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