Boris Johnson shocked to discover British Empire no longer exists
Foreign Office officials have confirmed that Boris Johnson has finally accepted that the British Empire no longer exists, more than a year after he...
Something that hasn’t happened might or might not make something bad happen, clarifies Bank...
Something that might or might not happen could or could not send the pound plunging or not plunging and trigger, or maybe even not...
Bus driver not a bastard
Commuters in Ormskirk were shocked today when a bus driver actually waited at a bus stop to allow a late arriving passenger to sprint...
KKK David Duke polling better with black voters than Donald Trump
In news that feels like it should be satire but is in fact oddly true, Dr David Duke, the Grand Wizard of The Ku...
Husband fails to avoid loaded question
A Rochdale man is currently receiving counselling and treatment for first-degree burns after failing to give the correct answer to a blatantly loaded question...
Racial profiling proves racist police guilty of racial profiling
Two Florida police officers have been found guilty of being racially prejudiced in a Facebook trial.
The damning evidence came when it was pointed...
5G blamed for amnesia as thousands of twats forget to be Islamophobic
Amidst growing concern from the internet's top pseudo-scientists about the risks posed by mobile technology, yet another coal has been added to the fire.
According...
Man behind Anonymous turns out to be 13 year old boy from Rochdale
Fans of computer hacker extrordinaires and Internet fighters for justice, Anonymous, will be feeling very let down today with the news that the mastermind...
?Britain First & UKIP oddly quiet about white family abusing student visa rules
Quite why the public aren't offended by the white, middle class family trying to buck the immigration system is baffling academics as anti-immigration campaigners...
Poisonous snake first to leave I’m A Celebrity after failing to overcome fear of...
The program known for subjecting contestants to creepy crawlies, scary animals and filthy challenges is facing a crisis after it has emerged that none...
Campaign to buy McDonnell new calculator raises £65,000,000
The public have rallied behind calls from Robert Chote, the Chairman of The Office for Budget Resposibility to buy The Shadow Chancellor, John McDonnell, a new calculator.
Brian Cox Announced As New President Of Flat Earth Society
Both the scientific and pseudo-scientific communities express a modicum of shock as tousle-haired synth-pop supremo and thinking housewives favourite Professor Brian Cox is sworn...
Thousands come together for eye testing
Thousands of people have come together in the name of ophthalmic health this weekend. Many even brought their own testing kits.
One attendee told us,...
Blitz spirit redefined as refusing to get off bus because somebody has a milkshake
Nigel Farage has confirmed that when he or his party talk of 'the Blitz spirit' he is referring to the act of cowering on...
Love Island Special – John Terry sacks Agent after he asked to join “that...
John Terry, the legendary back door man and occasional footballer, has sacked his Agent after finding himself trapped in a 1 year contract at...
