Other News

An all star cast is to appear in seasoned stage director Rupert Murdoch's new adaptation of the J. M. Barrie classic 'Peter Pan'. Michael Gove has been cast as Tick-Tock, Theresa May as Captain Hook...

Government manicurists today rushed to Theresa May's aid following a nail injury, frantically claiming it was merely "chipped varnish". As finger after taloned finger slips from the precipice, purchases of fake nails have sky...

Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into two distinct species. They also point out that, for one of...

President Donald Trump has spoken of his delight at how many people have come onto the streets of Hamburg to welcome him to Germany. The spontaneous outpouring of emotions have moved him in a way...

Fashionable Rochdale women have found a rather special use for police tape - as clothing to hit the town in. Local artist and bin man, Trevor Pirvert, apparently had the idea whilst on a night...

Presidents Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin met face to face for the first time in public yesterday and went for each other in a rock, paper, scissor handshake test. The world’s media were watching and...

Cornwall is in crisis as studies show, for the first time in a generation, more middle-class old hippies are leaving than arriving. One local, Anni Darsys, told us "The traditional ways of life and industries...

Two Yorkshire cricketers and a number of spectators were injured last night as nearly 200 dyslexic anarchists rioted at the T20. Similar riots took place in Mumbai in India and Perth in Australia as the...

Channel 4 has announced plans to launch a 'Halal-friendly' version of its popular quiz show, Countdown. An established favourite with pensioners, students and people who like masturbating to women doing hard sums, the long-running game...

President Barack Obama, who was born in America, is said to be privately pleased the riots at G20 summits he attended were bigger than Donald Trump’s riots in Hamburg. It’s thought the former President of...

Domestic retail giant Homebase is rumoured to be about to bow to pressure from Michael Gove's employer, Rupert Murdoch, by stocking a series of garden gnomes with Gove's face. The loveable gnomes, to be nick-named...

Nobody, who is the shadow secretary of state for Northern Ireland, claimed today that, had he been Labour leader, Labour could have won the election. He then backtracked and said that Corbyn was the best...

Liberal democrat leadership candidate "SIR" Vince Cable has been left looking a plum strawberry fool after his claim that Britain was running out of strawberries because of a shortage of migrant fruit pickers was...

Overweight, red faced, former England captain Wayne Rooney is to leave Manchester United to return to his first club Everton as part of a £90m deal that takes Everton striker Romelu Lukaku to Old...

Dick Turnip, writer for the Rochdale Herald, has been left unable to write a single humorous thing commenting on, or parodying the day's news. "It's 24°c outside, 28°C in the Herald office and roughly 200°C...

In the increasing farrago that surrounds Sheffield City Council's efforts to denude the streets of lush, green, oxygen-providing, shade-giving trees - in the quest for straight kerbstones - the Council has resorted to issuing...