Channel 4 has announced plans to launch a ‘Halal-friendly’ version of its popular quiz show, Countdown.
An established favourite with pensioners, students and people who like masturbating to women doing hard sums, the long-running game show is to be revamped in an attempt to attract a more diverse audience.
Although details of the show’s new format are still to be confirmed, a leaked report suggests that changes will include removing P, O, R and K from the pool of available letters, prohibiting any words alluding to food and drink during the holy month of Ramadan, and banning Rachel Riley from wearing any dress that makes her buttocks look like two little piglets cuddling in a silk bag.
Many Countdown fans were outraged at the news, with some claiming it was yet another example of political correctness gone mad.
“This is worse than the time I was banned from the nursing home Scrabble league for repeatedly using so-called ‘racial slurs’,” said long-term viewer, Bernard Clatworthy, 82.
“Still, there’s not many people who can insult foreigners using every single letter of the alphabet, so it’s their loss.”
When asked to comment on the plans, a Channel 4 executive told the Herald, “What a load of utter bollocks.”
“You’ve made this whole thing up in the hope that racist idiots will be fooled into sharing it on social media. It’s a childish and cynical attempt to generate faux outrage, whilst giving yourselves the opportunity to laugh smugly at bigots too stupid to distinguish fact from fiction.
“With that in mind, have you ever thought about making a documentary for Channel 4?”