Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into two distinct species.

They also point out that, for one of them, evolution appears to be running backwards.

“We examined the way people use their dishwashers and discovered that people interact with them in one of two distinct ways, which never varies”, said Professor Sophie Sudsworth.

Sudsworth explained that one group, dubbed “Group A”, behaves in a perfectly logical manner; loading the machine with dishes and cutlery as they are used, running the machine then returning the clean crockery and cutlery to their respective cupboards and drawers and then repeating the process as necessary.

“Of more interest though, she claimed, was “group B” who, after running the machine, invariably leave the clean dishes and utensils inside, piling used crockery and cutlery in the kitchen sink.

“So, for most of the time they have a dishwasher full of clean dishes and cutlery, and a sink full of dirty ones, as well as half empty drawers and cupboards.  Logistically and hygienically this makes no sense at all,” she said.  She further asserted that the two behaviour patterns were so deeply ingrained that it had proved impossible to persuade one group to mimic the behaviour of the other.

“It makes no difference how many times you explain to Group B that a sink piled full with dirty crockery is both unsightly and a health hazard, and that they could use the dishwasher instead, they refuse to change.”

According to Professor Sudsworth and her colleagues, their research data strongly indicates that Group A and Group B dishwasher user traits run in families with inter-group marriage comparatively rare.

“Where it does happen, the marriages tend not to last long,” added Sudsworth, pointing out that research was continuing in order to determine whether the two groups will continue to exist in parallel or whether one will continue to develop at the expense of the other, which will eventually become extinct.

“The automatic tendency is to assume that the clearly smarter Group A will prosper while group B will die out from successive epidemics of salmonella and cholera, but evolution doesn’t work that way.

“If it really was ‘survival of the fittest’, the UK wouldn’t be committing economic suicide leaving the EU, Theresa May wouldn’t be bribing religious bigots to keep her in power and Donald Trump would be shouting at people on TV instead of pretending to be the leader of the free world,” she explained

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