Nobody, who is the shadow secretary of state for Northern Ireland, claimed today that, had he been Labour leader, Labour could have won the election.
He then backtracked and said that Corbyn was the best man for the job. “None better,” quipped Nobody, conjuring up the image of a be-wimpled sister.
Nobody has ever taken any notice of Nobody before. At this suggestion, Nobody bristles and takes offence. “I do not steal boundary markers,” he said, making a brush with the bristles to sweep his remarks under the carpet.
Nobody is popular doing the rounds in Labour party circles. Nobody likes me, Everybody hates me, is a popular ditty in Nobody’s constituency. Everybody came second with 10,655 votes to Nobody’s 22,103. Nobody likes a loser, accounting for Nobody’s popularity.
Nobody made a bold move to be shadow education secretary. Nobody thinks that education is important. Nobody believes that he can sort out the mess that is the current school system. Nobody’s proposals are the bold, progressive ideas this country so badly needs. Unfortunately Nobody was sent to Ulster instead.
Nobody cares. This is a deeply held core belief of the Labour Party, and indeed many other major political bodies.
Nobody is listening. If you speak, Nobody listens. Nobody will hear what you have to say, and Nobody will try to help you This is, again, a vital tenet of British politics.
Nobody can foresee a clear path ahead in the Brexit negotiations, and Nobody wants to assume responsibility.
Nobody is MP for Erehwon in the middle of Nowhere.
