Ant and Dec

I’m A Celebrity host seen tampering with a parachute following announcement that K***e H*****s...

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Following the shock decision to give Ms Hopkins, who has been sacked from numerous broadcasting jobs because of her wordhole, a spot on one of the biggest tv shows, it appears that one of...
Katie Hopkins

Poisonous snake first to leave I’m A Celebrity after failing to overcome fear of...

108
The program known for subjecting contestants to creepy crawlies, scary animals and filthy challenges is facing a crisis after it has emerged that none of them are prepared to work with Katie Hopkins. The backlash...
Football Riot

Belgian football riot shows EU is hungry for UK exports says Liam Fox

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A football riot at a Belgian football match between Anderlecht and Club Brugge demonstrates the hunger for British exports according to Liam Fox. In a statement Fox said, "So many people want to do our...
David Davis

Brexit talks in crisis after Michel Barnier unfriends David Davis on Facebook

8
The UK's negotiations with the EU hit a stumbling block today, after it emerged that Michel Barnier has unfriended David Davis on Facebook. Brexit secretary Davis is said to be "absolutelyy fummin (sic)" that the...
David Davis

Davis to seek pinky promise with Barnier over customs arrangements post Brexit

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David Davis offered reassurance today to business leaders worried about customs arrangements post Brexit by declaring he would seek a pinky promise with Michel Barnier. It's felt that by offering such a time honoured and...
Angry man

People who say Nazis were socialists to lose human status

88
The UN has today confirmed that anyone who says Nazis were socialist are to lose human status, joining holocaust deniers in the shortlist of 'people' that it would be deeply satisfying, and now legal,...
Arsene Wenger

Wenger at wits end as he cannot figure out how to get sack from...

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Arsene Wenger was left frustrated after the end of a tumultuous week which saw Arsenal lose twice against Manchester city and rounded off by a defeat at Brighton. However, in a news conference held...
Wayne Rooney

Rooney arrested crying into bottle of 20/20 wearing Man Utd pyjamas

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My night of 20/20, Man Utd pyjamas and Steradent with mysterious brunette. Everton striker Wayne Rooney has been charged with drink-driving offences in the early hours of Friday morning, Cheshire Police have confirmed. Reports of...
Christiano Ronaldo

Just £300,000 a month can feed a footballer for a whole week. Please give...

2
It can be harrowing, truly tragic to see, to see a young, athletic, talented man to have to survive in squalid conditions, living on less than you paid for your house. That is why we...

Token female cycling club member thrilled to have been described as attractive

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A magazine feature by Cycling Weekly on the Hinckley Cycle Racing Club from Leicestershire was lambasted today after going to print with the caption ‘Token attractive woman’ on a photograph of a female club...

Selfie App spots early signs of Hipster

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Have you recently felt the need to visit the newly opened Craft beer bar up the street? Have you been annoyed at your local café for not knowing what a flat white was? Or maybe you’re...

British automakers to make english sparkling wine for export to Japan after Brexit

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Boris Johnson, acting Prime Minister, has followed up Theresa May’s success in Japan by reassuring Japanese business lobbies British automakers can produce enough english sparkling wine to satisfy Japanese demand post Brexit. “Of course like...
Michael Gove

Michael Gove concedes sushi made from poisonous blowfish should be made by an expert

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Michael Gove, the man who claimed Britain had “had enough of experts” would appear to have at least some time for them, at least when it comes to his own health. Dining out in a...

David Davis chosen as Westminster village idiot from competitive field

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Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, David Davis, has been chosen to hold the esteemed job of Westminster Village Idiot, beating off lots of competition in what has been described by judges...
Daily Mail Stock Photo

Daily Mail wins award for inciteful journalism

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The Daily Mail Editor has collected another prestigious award, in a glittering events ceremony in the Dubai International Finance Centre (“DIFC”). Editor Paul Dacre was there in person to collect the award for “Inciteful...

Theresa May outrages Japanese Prime Minister with deportation letter

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British Prime Minister Theresa May has become embroiled in a diplomatic incident while visiting Japan after personally delivering a Home Office deportation letter to Shinzo Abe. The Japanese Prime Minister was anticipating a polite, if...

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