Jacob Rees-Mogg descended from German immigrants genieologists confirm
Plans by eccentric far right conservative politician Jacob Rees-Mogg to be elected leader of the Conservative party have been delivered a body blow as genieologists have revealed t**hat far from being 100% English as...
Vegans to save UK billion man hours in tedious conversations by wearing hats saying...
There is widespread jubilation amongst business leaders around the UK after bold plans to save a billion working man hours a week have been announced by the Institute of Vegans.
Rochdale worries as EU funding crisis hits Cornish supply chain
Mark Duddridge, chairman of the Cornwall and Isles of Scilly Local Enterprise Partnership, has said he wants a guarantee from the UK Government that the funds will keep coming, even after Brexit is complete.
In...
What to do when your dog dies in your hot car
Summer is here and forecasters are predicting a heatwave in the coming weeks. With temperatures expected to hit 30oC the country will be awash with self-appointed dog wardens smashing their way into cars to...
Pound hitting 8 year low nothing to do with Brexit Professor at University of...
Professor Cliff Edge has been quick out of the blocks today to reassure the public that the pound hitting an eight year low against the Euro is nothing to do with Brexit.
“We haven't even...
Last PPI claimant found alive and well
The last person who is yet to be investigated whether or not they were mis-sold PPI has been found, bewildered, but alive.
After years of searching by PPI claims companies the lone man, Nigel Colinson,...
Hipster MP demanding new laws be written on slate
We just tell all the farmers growing baby cows to leave them alone to live as they did in the wild. They can all start mining slate. Any excess they have they can sell to the restaurants in their area for use as napkins and plates.
Whitehaven and Cumbria to Leave UK Launch of Cumbria Independence Party CUMFUK
Emboldened by her landslide victory in the Copeland By-Election, new MP Trudy Harrison has announced that she is leaving the Conservative Party to campaign for "a newer, independent Cumbria away from the UK".
The new...
Massive chip dislocates Katie Hopkins shoulder
There were grave concerns for Katie Hopkins today when the massive chip she uses as a shoulder deepened and caused her arm to calve from the giant ice shelf that is the rest of...
Blair and Branson to form New Virgin Labour
An email leaked to the Independent has revealed that billionaire Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson (MBE OBE BFD) is to bankroll Lord Sir Tony of Blair's new leftish wing political party and campaign group...
Five great fake news items of 2016
2016 was the year of the post-truth, the fake news, and the downright lies. We at the Herald take a look back at the five biggest myths, hoaxes and untruths which had people perplexed,...
That’s it I’m done in this realm – Satan
His most eminent dark overlord, Satan, has asked The Rochdale Herald to issue the following statement:
"I had 2 bottles of Jackie Dee and wrote this Trump election scenario as an email to my minions.
When...
Ainsley Harriott kicked out of satanic death cult for using too much turmeric
Speaking privately to The Rochdale Herald’s Donna Bellievitti, Satanic cultist and alleged writer Lynda la Plante discussed his expulsion from the group.
"Look it's simple innit, evwywon nose dat U use Susie Salt to draw...
‘Deadly viruses don’t kill people, people kill people,’ claims Ebola
In a bid to improve its reputation as one of the world's most lethal pathogens, the Ebola virus has today sought to shift the blame for its deadly effects onto people.
The virus, which was...
David Cameron to star in remake of Max Headroom
David Cameron is to take the lead role in a remake of cult 80's sci-fi film and TV show, Max Headroom sources close to the ex prime minister have confirmed.
Cameron, whose political career ended...
Police eager to establish if pound coin thrown at Burnley FC player was projectile...
A Burnley fan who threw a pound coin at Joe Hart is on the run from Police today after authorities claim he is now the new legal owner of Burnley Football Club.
The coin missed...
