Our foreign correspondent Miffy Bigboots reports from South London.
A man at a loose end over the weekend changed his opinion on virtually everything after watching 13 hrs of YouTube videos.
Village idiot John Hardwick, unemployed from Croydon, previously had an open mind on most things, but after being a little bored on a Saturday morning decided to have a look at ‘what all this YouTube business was about.’
Initially preferring to watch videos of cats, people falling over or being hit in the head by soccer balls, he grew tired of that and started watching videos with people who ‘had opinions on stuff.’
“It blew my mind!” exclaimed John.
“Cat videos are funny and all but, this ‘the truth is out there’ stuff, that’s real that is. Take the first truth video I watched, thought it’d be a laugh, boy, was I wrong. They’ve cobbled together a few segments from movies, got videos of the horizon and baths full of water, and over the top of that they have this really dramatic music.
“I had goosebumps I don’t mind saying.”
Asked about some other videos, John went on, “Christ, there’s loads, and not from lunatics either. One bloke was a chemist, like an actual scientist.
“I saw one about Satellite Navigation in the car. Turns out the government is using it to spy on where I go to work, where I do my shopping and what time I go to sleep so I’ve ripped that out. It’s maps for me now, and don’t get me started about Smart Phones.
“Then there’s gravity. Turns out there’s no such thing, air planes prove that. My mate Andy, an alleged engineer, told me it’s actually speed and the shape of the wings which generates a difference in air pressure between the top and bottom of the wings generating lift which allows the plane to overcome it’s weight and stay in the sky.
“That doesn’t make any sense does it? Plus Andy hasn’t got his own YouTube channel, so it can’t be true.”
Informing us of his plan to launch his own YouTube channel now that he knows things most people were blissfully ignorant of, John, who has since left his job as a landscape gardener because of chemtrail fears, also plans to build a spaceship to get to Mars to save all the children who have been taken as slaves and now work for the alien overlords.
“That’s the easy part,” exclaimed John.
“Now I know that space isn’t a vacuum and gravity doesn’t exist, I should be able to get to Mars pretty quickly. The only downside is that I won’t be able to take my Ipod as Lizard people use them for subliminal messages.”
Editor’s note: We have sent Miffy to be screened just in case this kind of stupid is infectious.