Football team goes one point ahead in Premiership.

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Fans of popular football team Chelsea Albion were agog with joy today when the team went one point ahead of arch rivals Liverpool Wanderers...

Jose mourinho assures Spain ‘money was just resting in my account’

7
Jose Mourinho has sought to reassure the Spanish tax office that the £3m he is alleged to owe them in unpaid taxes has in...

Patriots actually just thick twats scientists prove

Scientists at Rochdale's Community University have proven conclusively that people identifying themselves on social media as "Patriots" are actually just thick twats.
Tax avoidance Tax reform

Major newspapers not really committed to calling for reform of tax avoidance system for...

0
The readership of Britain's newspapers say they're confused that the papers aren't being more assertive in calling for tax reform. Right wing press connoisseur, Cliff...

Twitter Definitely Closing Down Next Year

Rumours that Twitter is to close for good in 2019 were confirmed today by some random user. "I kno sm1 on inside. #Twitter defo closing...

Samsung unveil S1 at Burnley Tech Conference along with steam iron and Flymo

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Gobsmacked attendees at the inaugural CES (Consumer Electronics Show) at Burnley Community Centre looked on in awe as Samsung unveiled its Galaxy S1 mobile...
Laptop

Not all men, say men

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Men would like you to know that the thing a man just did, just isn't something they would do Following a recent incident where a...
Idris Elba

Idris Elba to play Jeremy Corbyn in upcoming Cold War spy thriller

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Idris Elba is to be cast as Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn in a new spy thriller set during the height of The Cold War. The...

Trump insists the audience for his resignation speech will be bigger than Sean Spicers

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Donald Trump has insisted that the audience for Sean Spicers resignation speech will be miniscule compared to his own. Trump tweeted that, "Spicer was a...
Hot dog

G20 Crisis as Trump eats hot dogs in Hamburg.

2
President Donald Trump caused outrage in Hamburg, Germany today, eating hot dogs and apple pie and drinking root beer all flown in with him...

School sex education classes to be replaced by Love Island

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School sex education classes are rubbish and should be replaced by episodes of Love Island it has been decided. Justine Greening said, "Learning to draw...

Pinocchio to play Nigel Farage in hotly awaited biopic

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Requests from the public to name the film have had to be abandoned. They were either correctly spelled expletives or poorly written praise so hard to comprehend that the staffer responsible for sifting through the responses incurred a nose bleed.

Just 126 sleeps until Xmas, says cat

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A local cat, Elvis Snoogums, has spoken of his excitement as Christmas gets ever closer. Speaking exclusively to the Rochdale Herald Elvis told us, "Soon...
Theresa May

Parliament email hack reveals 75% of May’s emails contain phrase “cocking fuck, what fresh...

11
Penetration of the heart of government by dodgy Russian hacker types has allowed innovative research. Statistical analysis of the government's emails has been published today...
White Walkers

HS2 in doubt as MP’s raise concerns over giving White Walker access to high...

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Lord Chris Greyling, Secretary of State for Transport, revealed this afternoon that the government is considering changing its mind over HS2 out of health...

Brexit Plan Turns Out To Be Just David Davis Bragging About His Massive Staff

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The world waited with baited breath for David Davis' speech in which he was expected to reveal the government's plans for exiting the EU....

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