Boris Johnson has resigned from his position as foreign secretary today, and has returned to his natural role as a malevolent entity which preys upon the children of the Uxbridge and Ruislip, by beckoning them into constituencies storm drains.

Over the last 17 years, BoJo the Dancing Clown has masqueraded as a politician, using a variety of powers that include the ability to shapeshift into a giant red bus, manipulate 52% of a nation, and go unnoticed as an incompetent bag of wind to adults of voting age; often employing fanciful and elaborate language.

The ex London mayor, who looks like a cross between Ronald McDonald and that old TV clown, Bozo – with his wild tufts of hair and a baggy suit – made his resignation from the office of Foreign Secretary today, due to long standing disagreements with the handling of Brexit and frowning upon the dismemberment of children.

BoJo has been replaced by Jeremy Hunt, a similarly hateful creature that feeds of the fear and pain of the vulnerable.

In an exchange outside number 10, BoJo spoke to the new Foreign Secretary

“If you need help, Jeremy, help yourself to a balloon.”

It’s reported Johnson offered the bunch of ‘brexit means brexit’ balloons to Hunt before continuing.

“They float, Down here we all float, pretty soon you will float, too.”

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.