This weeks Soap headlines
The Rochdale Herald: Giving you all the goss!
Emmerdale Farm
It's all twists and turns this week as someone has a brew from the cafe and...
Jeremy Corbyn Guarantees Tory Win By Not Jerking Knee
The chance of Conservative Party rule evaporated today. Jeremy Corbyn is to talk about the nuances of foreign policy and its consequences.
"It's an outrage!" stated...
Ginsters Sue Ginsters over Ginsters Name
It has emerged that pastry-based, snack purveyors Ginsters have taken to the courts. They aim to prevent a social movement off-shoot from adopting their...
It’s a Global Thing, insists Brexit economist
Rochdale financial expert and three times bankrupt Brexit economist Ivana Sendham-Bach claimed today that the announcement that the UK was about to enter a...
Idiot turns on News and now can’t sleep
A man in Lancashire this evening accidentally turned on his television this evening to see Donald Trump leading Hillary Clinton in the polls in North Carolina and now definitely won't sleep.
Party planner faces cleaning bill after pile of elephant dung left in conference hall
Organisers of a widely publicised public party found themselves faced with a giant cleaning bill this morning after owners of the venue they partied...
Nobody Sufficiently Into Ed Sheeran To Be Fussed About Being First In The Arena
Ed Sheeran - like him or dislike him, it seems that nobody has particularly strong feelings about him either way, it would appear.
At a...
New Voting System Ticks All The Wrong Boxes
More controversy engulfed Rochdale Borough Council today as councillors in Rochdale's Labour run Balderstone and Kirkholt ward rolled out their new voting initiative just one...
Exclusive CIA interview: Russia definitely baddies.
The Herald, your only reliable source for news these days, has yet again got the scoopiest of exclusives, today we interview the CIA...
Public unsure what to believe after Nuttall admits ‘Everything I say is a lie’
In another reputation-busting move, Paul Nuttall has stumped logicians and shocked the wider world with the classic Liar's or Epimenides Paradox by saying;
"Everything I...
Rochdale cyclist says he’s right about earth being flat
A Rochdale cyclist has spent the entire week explaining to people he works with how he knows the Earth is flat.
Carl Isles, cycles the...
UKIP Needs Image Change, Says Rest of UK.
The UK has today agreed with former UKIP leadership challenger Suzanne Evans when she said the party needed an image change. Preferably to a...
Beleavers still think they’re in with a chance of another Referendum
Since June 23 Brexiters led by an enraged Nigel Farage haven't stopped moaning about the majority vote for Britain to remain in EU.
"I don't...
Whatever gave you the impression I will deal with student debt asks man who...
A man who distinctly said that he’d “deal with” student debt during an interview with the NME is curious to know why everybody was...
NHS declares tap water is much more cost effective than homeopathy
The NHS has declared that it's probably a better use of money to invest in tap water than provide homeopathy provision.
NHS spokesperson Dr Gary...
Smith Reveals Bears have secret plan.
In a speech today Labour leadership candidate Owen Smith has revealed that bears have secret plans to defecate in the woods.
In a hustings earlier...
