It’s been revealed that American President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladamir Putin have agreed to partition Poland between their two countries.
Both leaders agreed that whenever despots come to power ‘it’s Poland which gets fucked over’ and don’t see why the current situation should be any different.
Over the next few days Russian troops will start invading from the East, to be joined by American troops based in Germany just as soon as they manage to work out where the hell Poland actually is.
The deal is likely to prove beneficial for both leaders. In the words of US Vice President Mike Pence it will provide Trump with ‘somewhere to dump the Mexicans’ whilst also fulfilling his manifesto commitment to provide ‘living space in the East’ for the American people.
Meanwhile Putin is reportedly hoping that the invasion could briefly distract the Russian people’s attention from the fact that they are living in Russia and life’s a bit shit.
The two leaders reached their agreement during a meeting in a central Moscow hotel, where they reportedly bonded by comparing lists of journalists who they would like to put in prison and thinking up rude nicknames for German Chancellor Angela Merkel.
In response to the Russo-American agreement the Polish Government simply released a statement saying ‘Oh not again’, which the country generally has to use around every fifty years.