Human Resources managers at the BBC have been working tirelessly throughout the weekend, completing two days of back-to-back 6 hour shifts with reduced ginseng tea breaks, trying to eliminate the gender pay gap at the ageing organisation and widely acclaimed national treasure.
In a last minute breakthrough new contracts are being issued to all staff members to resolve the issue once and for all whilst also addressing institutional sexism.
All staffers at the Beeb are to sign documentation declaring themselves to be ‘gender-fluid’. BBC senior management commented. ‘It’s amazing just what can be accomplished over a kale and quinoa salad washed down with a crisp Chablis’.
Tarquinius Bletherspoon, spokes-being for the BBC said ‘We really do think this is the way forward for any equality driven organisation. Obviously we are working towards the point where all employees will be able to upload their consciousness and, if you will, their souls to the BBCCloud at which point all such unpleasantnesses will cease to be a concern but until that liberating day it’s gender-fluidity for all we say’.
In response to the BBC’s statement Lord Bramhamshire, of the House of Lords Equality Commission spluttered something foul in latin that would be technically illegal to repeat in print and stomped off in search of a hound to whip.