Scientists confirm autocorrect was inverted by a cult
A group of scientists have today confirmed what we have all long believed, that autocorrect was inverted by a cult.
Professor Gerald Wiley spoke to...
Free market capitalism works says financial wizard pouring billions of public money into free...
A party of financial wizards who can't agree which wizard should be head wizard has given a talk today on how free market capitalism...
Matt Hancock adds Straw Clutching to his cv as “transferable skill”
Hot on the heels of Boris Johnson's success in the Stable Door Shutting championships, the Health Secratary, Matt Hancock has added Straw Clutching to...
Dead mice brought in by cats to be declared part of household income in...
Cat-owners are now being asked to count any rodents or birds left on their doorstep as declarable earnings in their application for means-tested benefits,...
Britain fails GCSE Economics, Business Studies, French, German, Spanish and History
Great Britain was disappointed to learn that she has completely failed GCSE ecomomics, business studies, history, French, German and Spanish today.
While GCSE pass rates...
Government exempts itself from report on racism
The Government quickly moved to exempt itself from the report released yesterday which found major inequalities on racial grounds in UK organisations. Speaking without...
Shit closer to hitting fan than yesterday
Analysts and experts of faecal matters are saying that the shit, that was yesterday quite close to the fan, is now a bit closer...
Illusionist ‘Dynamo’ announces new chain of restaurants called AbraKebabra
Dead-pan mind boggler 'Dynamo' has announced that he will be opening a new chain of restaurants called 'AbraKebabra'.
Bradford born 'Dynamo', real name Derren Copperfield,...
Theresa May to woo younger voters with some fava beans and a nice chianti
It was announced this morning by ToryDinners4U, a think tank specially focused on food service and traditional conservative values, that the prime minister will...
“I don’t believe in that fat old man in the dodgy suit” says Santa...
Father Christmas has come out in a blistering denunciation of Donald Trump today, stating categorically that he doesn't believe in him.
In an interview with...
Nestlé announce Milky Bar Kid reboot
The public were thrilled today to learn that the classic Milky Bar adverts will be making a return to our television screens this autumn...
Sex scandal latest – vicar says he was touched by God
In a startling new development in the ongoing revelations of sexual impropriety, Father Peter O'Fiall of St. Thomas the Dubious Roman Catholic Church in...
Pay attention to my sexual preferences not my instincts as a predator, said Kevin...
In an emotional statement to the world's press meant to deflect allegations he has a penchant for baby antelope, Kevin the Lion has come...
Jeremy Corbyn says Labour will Nationalise RyanAir
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has layed out plans to take RyanAir into public ownership alongside the railways and the Royal Mail in a radical...
Only Mandelson Eligible to Vote in Leadership Election after Mass Cull
In an attempt to make the Labour leadership election more comradely and fairer, the Labour PLP has been trawling through the social media activities...
Postmen refuse to empty post boxes as ‘there could be anything in there’
Postmen across the country are refusing to open and empty letter boxes after being led to believe they could contain anything including bank robbers...
