Nationalists across England are up in arms at the suggestion that Scotland might have a referendum to leave the UK and become an independent nation.

“Nationalism is a stupid idea,” says Alfred Hilter, a Surrey UKIP supporter, “It would be madness for Scotland to leave the Union! They’ll be telling us that they’re sick of being governed by another nation and demanding Scottish laws for Scottish people next!”

Nicola Sturgeon, the Scottish First Minister, officially sought permission to have a referendum on independence after the recent decision of Parliament to ignore the second chamber.

“See ye got a situation, ye ken, where these feckless bassads in they kensersvitive party have convinced people that having a chance to review the fecking issue once the negotiations’ve tekken place is undemocratic and so is parliament scrutinising any deal,aye,” explained Dr Jock “Jockey” MacJock of Rochdale Community University’s Politics Dept, “O course we want out of the fecking union wi’ yee English bassads! It’s tekken the fecking pish, but.”

The previous referendum result on the issue of Scottish independence was to stay.

“See? They voted on this before so they should shut up,” argues David “Dave” Davison of the English Nationalist Party, “And previous votes for something should be eternal. Except that one where the British overwhelmingly voted to stay in the European Union in the seventies. Obviously that doesn’t count. Anyway Scotland is part of England and always will be. FACT! Oi, can you make sure that you put ‘fact’ in capitals when you write this up?”

Theresa May meanwhile is concentrating on the words of a single European who has stated that Scotland would need to reapply to become an EU member.

“Scotland will be leaving the EU whether they like it or not,” the demon headmistress told parliament on Wednesday.

No doubt the idea that Scotland will be forced to leave the EU against their will because of the votes of pensioners in England will convince the Scots to vote for more of the same.

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When the aeons of war left the gods dead and the universe decimated, a single duck rose from the ashes and stood for justice and freedom! It wasn't me, that duck, but we look quite bit alike.