It has recently been announced that Donald Trump, the 45th President of the United States (POTUS) is to pay a state visit…

[…oh God, do I have to.. (Editor’s note:  Yes, if you want to keep your job!)]


Some chap who won an election and then has behaved just like an angry toddler, abused social media, deceived many, incited hatred, sabotaged the environment and criticized the media, has confirmed he is coming to Britain. Shit.

I mean he has been before to play with his balls in Scotland.  This time, however, he is doing a proper modern day presidential visit.

The official line is that he is going to work out a trade deal with Mrs Girljobs and discuss wheat gathering methods.

We are able to exclusively reveal, following information from an assistant of Trump, or an Orange Aide, to give him his proper title, that The Donald is actually just on a souvenir hunt.

Sonny D Light told us,

“Despite all the risk of protests and unrest, and the threat of something we’ve heard called “mooning”, whatever that might be,  the president is determined to continue to pick up unusual artifacts from around the world.  He has expressed a wish to obtains an actual bit of Brexit because the dumb cluck actually thinks it’s a tangible thing, he asked if it tastes like Kendal Mint Cake.

He really is proper thick, last time he was at his golf course in Scotland, he spent three days looking for a can of tartan paint”