Other News

Remain voters around the country are said to be absolutely furious to learn that every single person who voted to remain in the European Union will die after the Brexit negotiations are concluded. They are...

Michael Gove's mum has spoken of her delight this morning after her son was described as somebody's favourite, including her's, for the first time in his life. The news comes after the announcement that David...

In a shock move Sunday UK chancellor Philip Hammond, announced that his first budget on Wednesday will outline plans for a complete end to all funding for the National Health Service in an effort...

Reports ejaculating out of Hamburg indicate that the secret meeting between President Trump and Vladimir Putin transcended sharing a duvet and gorging on Hagen-Daaz. The White House has U-turned on its decision to disclose information...

Hypochondriacs around the UK were said to be giddy with the excitement at the prospect of a new NHS website that will encourage them to diagnose themselves using their smartphones. Barbara Dickinson of Rochdale said; "I've...

There was consternation in Whitehall this morning as details emerged of several international diplomats who may in fact be much, much worse than Boris Johnson at diplomacy. The Mexicans and the Saudis are currently fighting...

Piers Morgan has been revealed as the new face of men's rights campaign 'Free the Ballbag'. Inspired by the feminist 'Free The Nipple' movement, the campaign aims to fight against what it calls a 'vaginocentric...

Fictional character Walter Mitty has announced a surprise bid for the leadership of the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP), challenging current incumbent Paul "I neva sed dat" Nuttall. Mitty, who first appeared in a 1930s...

Ofsted chairman and former complete banker David W Hoare is in hot water again after, according to our anonymous source, allegedly describing our beloved Rochdale as "essentially a giant neanderthal public toilet block," where...

Donald Trump left an eager crowd shocked in Poland today when he failed to mention the length of his schlong once during a rousing speech. The crowd, some bussed in by the ruling party from...

Transfer News: In a shock late move, minnows Rochdale have thrashed out a deal with giants Manchester United. As this weekend brought an end to the movement of players between clubs, Manchester United have agreed...

UKIP were forced to admit today that big words like "joke" and "obvious" are generally beyond their grasp. The announcement came after a social media poo storm followed the announcement by Bromley UKIP Councillor Terry...

Concerns have been expressed today by the United Kingdom’s biggest employers that a house price crash will lead to a deepening of the productivity crisis facing the UK because people may stop work during...

American space go-getters NASA are said to be up in arms about budget restrictions while there is still enough money available to feed some children 3 meals a day. "We're never going to put a...

The Daily Express has reported for the eighth time this month the death of so called Islamic State's second in command. "He was killed by drone" said the article. "Probably." The news comes after the leader...