iPhone users left feeling cheated
Thousands of iPhone users around the globe were left feeling cheated this week as they eagerly awaited news of the latest model from technology...
Crystal Maze to return as literally no ideas left
The Crystal Maze is set to return our screens, again;
"The barrel has no bottom. There's nothing left to scrape anymore. This is it." Said...
Satirists run out of ink
Thousands of satirists across the UK and their tens of readers around the world face a crisis as the supplies of ink slowed to...
Massive twat claims moral high ground
Yesterday, the Daily Mail sought to reset the nation's moral compass by pointing out the recent flood of speculation about Moscow waterbed shenanigans was the work of...
Daily Mail Editor sectioned after being confused by photograph of white terrorist
The Editor of The Daily Mail was carried out of Northcliffe House in a straitjacket this morning after a photograph of a white man...
Assange ready to be extradited from his own arse
Julian Assange has confirmed that he is willing to be extradited from his own arse following Barack Obama’s decision to commute the sentence of US Army...
Corbyn’s meeting with Czech spy definitely ended The Cold War claims The Canary
The Canary has made the suprising claim that Jeremy Corbyn's meeting with a Czech spy hastened the end of the cold war. The claim...
BBC Radio 2 breakfast show ratings soar, as listeners want their bloody money’s worth
As the dust starts to settle on Terry Wogan's grave after being disturbed so much by him spinning in it, the Rochdale Herald can...
Let’s Get Ready to TUMBLE!
Things just got real in the editorial bunker at The Rochdale Herald after those soft southern satirist impersonators at The Southend News Network went...
Thousands dead in Daily Mail Olympics tragedy
Thousands of Daily Mail readers are dead today after their heads exploded whilst reading the rag's coverage of the Olympics.
Mild confusion over the juxtaposition...
Katie Hopkins unearths link between Lego and Autism
Katie Hopkins, lead reporter from the Daily Mail, claims she has discovered a link between children who use Lego and Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Katie gloated...
Princess Diana’s ghost gives Express readers advice on how to deal with slippery driving...
The ghost of Diana, Thingy of Wales, has been giving Daily Express readers advice on how to survive the cold weather.
Speaking through a medium,...
Laura Kuenssberg to train North Korean propaganda journalists
Gajja Ileum, a journalist for the Korean Worker's Party, has travelled from Pyongyang to London for a 2 week intensive training course in State Propaganda with...
Daily Mail readers push uphill for Gardner
Daily Mail readers have insisted that Dressage individual gold medalist Charlotte Dujardin is renamed Charlie Gardner as her name has been deemed "too French"...
Satirists face existential crisis
Satirists around the world face extinction due to rising stupidity levels and utter fucking idiocy.
"How am I supposed to write satire about this, there's...
Southern Rail Timetable wins Man Booker Prize for fiction
The visionary author of Southern Rail's timetable, Bernard Jones, has been announced as the seventh winner of the Man Booker International Prize for fiction.
The...
