The Daily Mail

Reading the Daily Mail causes cancer of the soul

9
Following sickening reports of yet another moron mowing down innocent pedestrians, the Daily Mail has excelled itself by implying that the victims were to...
Ross and Rachel

Chilcot Report reveals Ross and Rachel WERE on a break

8
With the kind of speed, thoroughness and ability to keep his finger on Britain’s zeitgeist that has come to be expected from him, the...

BBC resolves gender pay gap crisis

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Human Resources managers at the BBC have been working tirelessly throughout the weekend, completing two days of back-to-back 6 hour shifts with reduced ginseng...

Some bloke in UKIP said something about the BBC

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Bill Etheridge, a candidate for hard right conservative comedy troupe UKIP has said that the BBC should be privatised because it's "shoving left wing...
Elderly couple

Daily Express forecasts two feet of dead pensioners will fall in Central London by...

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The Daily Express has warned readers that 20% of them will die this week because of the "Beast from the east". Pensioner, Stan Still said,...
Prince Philip

Prince Philip to star in new season of The Walking Dead

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There are rumours circulating today that Prince Philip will get a central role in a new series of, The Walking Dead. The show depicts characters...
Cat's Eyes

The Sun wins top spot in nationwide industry poll

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Following recent scandals involving their journalists, inaccurate reporting and misinforming large sections of the population The Sun newspaper has had some positive feedback from...
Tory

There’s nothing funny about the Tories moan satirists

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Satirists up and down the country are throwing their pens and finger bashing the backspace key in frustration. "It's the bloody Tories" said one writer...

Everyone to star in latest series of Big Brother

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In a massive change of direction, our government known for privatising everything for short term gain and long term loss has bought out Dutch based media...
ISIS

Daily Mail website wins ISIS award for services to Jihad

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ISIS have awarded the Daily Mail website, MailOnline.com, its prestigious Jihadi Of The Year Award. This is the first time the sought after prize, known...

Daily Mail editor bites head off puppy for a dare

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Dog lovers and animal rights activists around the country are said to be outraged and disgusted after the editor of The Daily Mail reportedly...

Rochdale’s Faringe Estate Clinches Daily Mail’s Coveted “Most Deprived Estate” Award 2016

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There were jubilant scenes in Rochdale last night as tens of Faringe Estate residents gathered around makeshift bonfires and burning cars to celebrate picking...
Outrage

All w**ds to be b*nned to avoid offending p***ks

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All words and language in all forms and formats are to be banned from next week for all eternity. The reason for the multi-party agreed...

Herald Editor Treated For Shock After Finding Journalism in Daily Mirror

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The Editor of the Rochdale Herald is recuperating in Rochdale General Hospital after accidentally finding some quality journalism in The Daily Mirror.

Let’s Get Ready to TUMBLE!

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Things just got real in the editorial bunker at The Rochdale Herald after those soft southern satirist impersonators at The Southend News Network went...

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