Elderly Couple

New survey shows 52% of Daily Mail readers have masturbated to The World At...

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Researchers at the University of Rochdale reveal the enduring popularity of the 1970s documentary for gammon spank fodder. The 1970s documentary, The World At War,...

Assange ready to be extradited from his own arse

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Julian Assange has confirmed that he is willing to be extradited from his own arse following Barack Obama’s decision to commute the sentence of US Army...

BBC Believes Last Labour Voter Now Extinct

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Naturalists have accused the BBC of poor science after it was revealed the broadcasting corporation believes there are no more Labour voters. The shock extinction...

Goebbels didn’t like satire either – satirists tell Zuckerberg

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As the entire world struggles to unravel themselves from their twisted knickers following the surprise election of a sexist satsuma to the Whitehouse satirists have come under fire from Google and Facebook for writing fake news, otherwise known as fiction.

Daily Mail issue apology for calling white mosque shooter a terrorist

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There was chaos in The Daily Mail Newsroom this morning as they scrambled to reset copy before going to press after the gunman who...

Nobody Offended By Twitter Joke

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A joke posted on Twitter yesterday has met with a complete lack of offence for the first time in history. The joke which reads "Most...

Mr Tumble suspended by the BBC as he does not have a current CRB...

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An urgent investigation has been launched after the BBC was forced to suspend all shows across their network that include the massively-popular Mr Tumble...

UK in shock after Corbyn refuses to answer trick question

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Big news! Corbyn, asked if the UK will leave the EU "come hell or high water" if he becomes PM, refused 6 times to...

Daily Mail Readers confused more toddlers haven’t walked alone to UK from Syria

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Daily Mail Readers are confused more toddlers haven't walked the 2,000 miles to Calais from Syria.
Peppa Pig

Peppa Pig to become Cara Camel in Halal makeover

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Exciting new changes are afoot in the world of Cartoons today, with a children's favourite set for a spectacular modern makeover. Creators of the famous...
Daily Mail

Daily Mail asking readers to buy two copies each

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Pressure appears to be mounting in the offices of the Daily Mail, as their latest idea in an attempt to boost sales is to...
Cat's Eyes

The Sun wins top spot in nationwide industry poll

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Following recent scandals involving their journalists, inaccurate reporting and misinforming large sections of the population The Sun newspaper has had some positive feedback from...

Local Liberal Claims To Only Visit Daily Mail Website For The Tits And Ass

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Rochdale liberal Gerard Sutherland has told his wife that he only visits the Daily Mail website for the Z-list 'celebrity' tits and ass, and...

Satirists face existential crisis

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Satirists around the world face extinction due to rising stupidity levels and utter fucking idiocy. "How am I supposed to write satire about this, there's...

Thickos more likely to believe any old bollocks scientists reveal

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Scientists at Rochdale Community university have discovered that thickos will believe pretty much anything they see on Facebook
Kuenssberg

Laura Kuenssberg to train North Korean propaganda journalists

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Gajja Ileum, a journalist for the Korean Worker's Party, has travelled from Pyongyang to London for a 2 week intensive training course in State Propaganda with...

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