Health

Rochdalians are being reminded today that having a deep pan 16 inch spicy meat special doesn't count as following a Mediterranean diet- even if you've preceded it with 12 bottles of San Miguel.  The reminder...

A Rochdale man who failed GCSE Science has revealed he's an expert on pediatrics and specializes in treatments for Pneumonia. Bill Board loudly announced his expertise to surprised family members this morning over a...

Michael "Jim" Delligatti, the man who invented the MacDonalds Big Mac burger (and apparently wasn't aware of what Jim is supposed to be short for) has died leaving people unsatisfied and feeling slightly ripped off.

A variant of the antibiotic-resistant superbug MRSA normally found in old Etonians and Conservative Party politicians has found its way into the nation's food supply via pork, tests have revealed. "This particular variant is...

The Conservative Party has released its newest manifesto pledge to increase A&E floor space in the 40 hospitals they are definitely not building, as well as ensuring 50,000 more coats for sick children to...

The NHS has declared that it's probably a better use of money to invest in tap water than provide homeopathy provision. NHS spokesperson Dr Gary Tackle said, "Frankly we've never had much luck with homeopathy....

The Conservative Party today claimed once again that the NHS is "safe" in their hands, and denied that huge cuts to NHS services will effect NHS services in any way, shape or form and...

A former member of the cult of Crossfit, Steve ‘Tits’ Day, has spoken for the first time having made a full recovery from his formerly toned and healthy condition. Happily now surrounded by pizza boxes...

Happy raspberries, disappointed carrots and furious parsnips may not be the stuff of fairy tales, top food scientists have shown. Researchers were observing the effect of peeling potatoes on levels of starch in fried wedges,...

It's that time of the year again when everyone makes doomed to fail resolutions but, fear not, there's a new product on the market that will ease your January blues. New Juice Minus is a...

In a determined effort, this time (yes, this time it's for real, not like the other times) Simon Lardon, single, of Sheffield, has given up beer and bacon and joined his local Sweatytynes to...

The UK government has announced that Covid-19 testing has now far surpassed the target figure, coming in at 1 million a day. Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, explained the new figures have been broadened to include...

With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the herb rosemary really does help memory. A study, which was almost...

Surgeon's at London's exclusive Portland hospital have declared the Piersectomy a complete success. In an operation that lasted 8 hours, the world's finest surgeons have performed a world first this morning. Pier's Morgan's head got stuck...

A government source told us yesterday that  robot eyed shitkicker Jeremy Hunt has decided to take a more philosophical approach to the NHS crisis. Dr Steph O'Scope said "I think he's reading Zen & The...

The Emergency Services and NHS Trusts in London & the South East areas are reported to be within 24 hours of collapse. Since the vote to leave the EU, A&E departments have been flooded by...