Supermarket

Fat Fighters launches gold leaf ‘Sin Free’ range

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Fat Fighters has introduced a new range gold leaf coated products to help gullible fatties spend more money and lose even more weight. The company...
Vegetables

Vegetables ‘have feelings too’ top scientists discover

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Happy raspberries, disappointed carrots and furious parsnips may not be the stuff of fairy tales, top food scientists have shown. Researchers were observing the effect...

UKIP Politician selling more than just political lies

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Welsh UKIPper, Andrew “IQ not very” Haigh doesn't just sell bullshit through his party, it transpires. The national organiser for Wales also sells utter bollocks...
Diabetes

Diabetes sufferers celebrate reduced risk with ‘messy weekend’

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The news that top scientists have established that people who drink alcohol more regularly are less likely to develop diabetes. The results found that...

Morrissey spends days in bed

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Tragic news has reached us here at The Rochdale Herald for all lovers of the morbid mopheaded muso and former front man of The...
Nurses

Stressed nurses sick of sick people

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Shedloads of stressed-out British nurses are leaving the profession because they are fed up with their working conditions and marginally better than national average...
knitting

16 Dead In Rochdale Women’s Institute Needle Exchange Hep B Outbreak

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The Department of Health have launched an inquiry into an outbreak of Hepatitis B at a Rochdale WI knitting needle swap scheme after untreated...
Rees Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg announces plan for every UK baby to have his DNA by 2040

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This is a key policy behind Rees-Mogg's bid for the Conservative party leadership. According to leaked documents, he is going to take his cue from...

Virus tests increase to 1 million a day as Matt Hancock includes tests he’s...

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The UK government has announced that Covid-19 testing has now far surpassed the target figure, coming in at 1 million a day. Health Secretary, Matt...

London Motorists furious that cyclists lives might be saved

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London drivers are currently outraged at London mayor Sadiq Khan's plans to reduce cyclists deaths. "Over half of cyclist deaths in the capital involve construction...

NHS Funding: Less is more insists Jeremy Hunt

3
A government source told us yesterday that  robot eyed shitkicker Jeremy Hunt has decided to take a more philosophical approach to the NHS crisis. Dr...

Working from home identified as leading cause of sight loss in men

21
A new study from the Rochdale Institute for Sight has found that working from home is the leading cause of sight loss for men. Although...
Tour de France

Asthma Society public awareness campaign kicks off with three-week cycling Tour of France

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Saturday sees the start of The Asthma Society's global awareness campaign. 176 chronic asthma sufferers will cycle 2,082 miles of the roughest French terrain...
Mike Pence

Pray for your health suckers says Mike Pence

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The Rev Mike Pence, deputy pastor at the Church of the Poison Mind, Washington, DC, has been quoted as saying "What the American people need...

NHS declares tap water is much more cost effective than homeopathy

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The NHS has declared that it's probably a better use of money to invest in tap water than provide homeopathy provision. NHS spokesperson Dr Gary...

One in four NHS hospitals have turned to STRIPPING to make ends meet

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Almost a quarter of the nation's hospitals have turned to stripping to make up for funding shortfalls, according to a new report. Commissioned by a...

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