Entertainment

Channel 4 has announced plans to launch a 'Halal-friendly' version of its popular quiz show, Countdown. An established favourite with pensioners, students and people who like masturbating to women doing hard sums, the long-running game...

Shockwaves rang through Tin Pan Alley yesterday with the news that singer Tony Hadley was quitting 80s pop toppers Spandau Ballet. In a cryptic tweet Hadley blamed his departure on "circumstances beyond my control", taken...

Research has shown that the Old Trafford gig on July 4th by Radiohead attracted more wankers than any previous gig. It is estimated that, of the 31,000 crowd, 68.7% were utter tosspots. The total...

The ITV reality show Love Island has been slammed recently for being 'a shallow excuse to show some flesh in the name of broadcasting entertainment.' However, it's viewer ratings show that people either dont...

In a bid to appear more accessible to young people the Conservative party have updated the image of some of their more prominent MPs. The aim is to change public opinion; to be seen as...

His Royal Highness to play part of Grand Moff Tarkin again in latest outing of sci-fi saga. Warning: contains spoilers Shooting began today for the latest instalment of the long running science fiction saga that has...

Love island viewers were last night in shock after it was revealed the island is to be transformed into a syphilis colony. The revelations came in response to Jonny revealing he has crabs. Camilla and...

Not to be outdone by Corbyn's appearance at Glastonbury last weekend, May hastily forms new band to perform at Latitude this July. In the kind of showbiz spat not seen since the Blur/Oasis feuding days...

Michael Gove will juggle his new appointment as environment minister with a starring role in the long awaited sequel to 60s cult classic movie, "Midnight Cowboy", it was revealed today. The sequel, which will pick...

Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl has invited Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn to front a planned reformation of his former band Nirvana. Speaking to the Rochdale Herald's weekly music supplement, Grohl confirmed that he...

Dave Grohl is alleged to have been quaking having to follow on from Jeremy Corbyn even exclaiming "How the f**k do we follow that." Grohl is said to have made the statement after witnessing Corbyn...

Jeremy Corbyn attended the Glastonbury festival today to deliver a speech to a crowd of thousands. The MP, short for the Messiah of the People, spoke to the crowd about the rights and responsibilities of...

Jeremy Corbyn left the bustling fields of Glastonbury in stunned silence this afternoon after performing an accapella ballad of the renowned Prodigy song 'Firestarter'. Corbyn cooly walked out onto the main stage of the popular...

Standing on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, Jeremy Corbyn had a Eureka moment. "If all these bloody people can afford to come here at these prices they must all be bloody rich as Croesus.  Let's...

BBC smash hit soap 'Eastenders' has been ordered by the Culture Secretary to throw its weight behind Brexit and help make a success of it. The initiative will see dead characters resurrected and retired cast...

Conservative leader to introduce those monks from Doctor Who on the main stage as Michael Eavis pours away his cider and looks accusingly at the bottle. Theresa May will appear in a giant Pyramid during...