Music

Research has shown that the Old Trafford gig on July 4th by Radiohead attracted more wankers than any previous gig. It is estimated that, of the 31,000 crowd, 68.7% were utter tosspots. The total...

With thanks (and muted apologies) to Simon & Garfunkel But Islam's not a race, they screamed into his brown face And here's to you Tommy Robinson Mohammad loves you more than you will know Whoa,...

The ageing singer and renowned diva famous for her tantrums, Mariah Carey, asked Elton John about his views on the struggling political party at a celebrity bash in London, The Herald can exclusively reveal. The...

The man who ran over Ed Sheeran and broke his arm will receive an MBE in the new year’s honours list, it has been revealed. Police officers and government officials set about identifying the perpetrator...

Jeremy Corbyn left the bustling fields of Glastonbury in stunned silence this afternoon after performing an accapella ballad of the renowned Prodigy song 'Firestarter'. Corbyn cooly walked out onto the main stage of the popular...

Rumours are spreading that CLiff Richards, who is not a nonce, is furious today after the BBC suggested that he had racked up unreasonable legal fees in suing the BBC for not ignoring him. The...

In a shock move American pianist singer songwriter Barry Manilow has announced that he is abandoning the piano in favour of the oboe. Manilow said Thursday that while he enjoyed a good session fingering the...

Tim Farron has sensationally quit the leadership of the Liberal Democrats this week to pursue a lifelong ambition to become a full time Judy Garland impersonator.

Radiohead have settled their claims that Remain voters have stolen all the moaning and whining directly from their back catalogue. Immediately after bringing an end to their saga involving Lana Del Rey, the former decent...

Phil Collins has been telling the Saga trade magazine, Zimmer how he sees the 1980's as his Coldplay years. Collins told the magazine, "Look, when I was in Genesis it was good. There was some...

Idiots across America who voted for Trump because he told them he was really good at doing deals are surprised by the news he hasn't been able to do a deal with a Bruce Springsteen tribute band.

The music world has been surprised by the release of an album by Greta Thunberg and the Prophets of Doom, a new death metal outfit formed by the ecological campaigner.   It is seen as...

The death of the latest life-long influence of people too painfully cool for words, Fats Domino, has caused a Google Crash despite everyone thinking he was already dead. The desperate search for the "Did...

A couple has had their night out at an Ed Sheeran gig completely ruined by Ed Sheeran music. Married couple Steve and Barbara Dickinson from Rochdale were on their bi-annual night out on Thursday when...

Simon Cowell’s stairs have received a Brit Award for their outstanding contribution to the music industry after the reality TV star was found unconscious at the bottom of them, it has been announced. Judd Jim...

In what would at first glance appear to be a complete and utter ripoff of an Onion article dating back to 1997, Labour Party Supremo Jeremy Corbyn has seen his popularity rating soaring to...